How to know you're ready for parenthood.....

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs. (If LEGOs are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

SUPERMARKET TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at Asda or Tesco. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Get the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing them until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest pharmacy. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest supermarket. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their child's discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many things they can improve as well. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you'll have all the answers.


  1. LOL!!!!I'm forwarding this.

  2. Fantastic! Very well put. As a father of four (yes four) kids, I can relate to all of these.

  3. My wife and I decided not to have kids. Now I remember why. :)

  4. And if you fail all of these tests, then you are ready.

  5. Any idea of the source? I've seen it floating around the net since 2001. The idea of the unhappy octopus always amuses me.

  6. [...] How to know you’re ready for parenthood….. — BOSO.ME This is pretty funny. (tags: parenting humor) [...]

  7. o my god..that was great..am already forwarding and remembering this one..heheh superb bro...:-) and scary to think for us singletons...hmm so basically ur saying prepare for anarchy..:-)

  8. "How old are you Mr. McDermott?"
    "Twenty-three, Dr. Smith."
    "And you want a vasectomy?"
    "But why?"
    "Ask Boso."

  9. Could we get something straight here. THE PLURAL OF LEGO, IS LEGO!
    Thank you.

  10. oh and I'm totally steeling this for my FB notes! LOLLOLOLO

  11. this is seriously the funniest thing I have read in a while! and it TOTALLY describes the life of a young family!

  12. Gallons of Lego?

    That just seems so wrong to measure in a liquid form!

  13. funniest thing I have read in a while! and it TOTALLY describes the life of a young family!