Do you enjoy driving customers mad?
Are you competely useless, and have no idea what you should be doing?
Do you aspire to work in an environment, where there are several people just like you, supported by systems that must be centuries old, and enable you to be as unhelpful as possible?
Then you should be working for UK Online.
UK Online is committed to being bottom of customer service leagues. While we have improved our services slighty this year by providing support for longer hours, we have ensured that the same inept people answer the phone everytime you call. Take Boso, a blogger for example.
Last year, when Boso was moving house, we charged him Â£75, and told himÂ moving his broadbandÂ would be as painless as possible. We frustrated himÂ by not cancelling his broadband at his old address, knowing fully well that until we did so, he would not be able to move hisÂ telephone line, and until he did that, we would not be able to activate his braodband at his new house. One of our attendants was rude to him, before we finally decided to disconnect him after 3 weeks. Oh, and did we mention that he had to call us between 9am and 5.30pm (work hours) Monday to Friday? And he was on hold for an average of 30 minutes each time. If you don't believe us, check out the links to his old blog, it's interesting how he documented all his 'troubles'.
But that's not the end. Oh no. We then forgot to activate his broadband at his new house. He had to call us and remind us about it. Did we mention that he was being billed all through this time? Placing the order meant he needed to wait another 10 days for his internet. Some idiot in our customer service thought it would be a good idea that we refund him 2 months subscription, I can assure you that you won't meet this person if you decide to work for us, and we have fired her. Then we activated his broadband. He was insisting that his internet still wasn't working. On close examination, we found that we activated his broadband, at his old house. I mean, we thought he had Â£75 to waste, why pay us to move your broadband, and then expect us to take it to another address? We thought you just meant to move it around your house !! We didn't really care, as he was tied to us with a 12 month contract, whether he liked it, or not.
Â Anyway, we didn't hear from Mr. Boso for another 6 months, till he decided to upgrade his broadband to a faster connection. When he did so, we forced him to pay Â£80 for a router, and then we sent it.....to his old address. Yes, that's right. Apparently, for some reason, he has 2 address in our system, so while some systems have been updated with his new address, some still have the old one. Nice, isn't it.
And now. He calls us again. Says he's cancelling the service. We ask him why. He said he's moving again. We asked him if he wanted us to move his broadband. 'Over my dead and rotten body!' he said. 'Why not?' we asked. He said we messed up the last move, and that he never wanted to have anything to do with us again. We were proud to have frustrated a customer to use such strong language, so we agreed to cancel, and he's no longer paying us.
But we can't make life too easy for him. It's taken about 3 weeks now, and we still haven't cancelled his service. And while he's getting his broadband for free, Boso can half complain. You see, he can't move his telephone line till we shut off the broadband. He was on the phone with us for over an hour in total, as we made him speak to 4 different departments, Customer Service, Customer 'care' (we use that word loosely), Technical Support and our order status team. Well apparently, there was an admin error on the paperwork we sent to BT, and thanks to him we found out. So we're hoping to cancel his broadband after another week or so.
Does this story inspire you to want to work for us ? Do you enjoy making people's lives a living hell? We hope we have managed to convince you, that UK Online is committed to having the WORST customer service not just in the UK, but WORLDWIDE.