11.5.06

Because I’m a man…..

 Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car,  I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling  AA is not an option. I will win.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't  running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I  know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the  other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these  computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink  a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy  communion.
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Because  I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care  of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick  as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic  groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find  exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Because  I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking  it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once  the repair person gets here and has to put it back  together.
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Because  I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch  TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for  it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a  calculator.....(applies to engineers  mainly).
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Because  I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up  something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm  a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to.  Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see  it.
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Because I'm  a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're  crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous  afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend  it to  others.
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Because  I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With  the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm  a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the  housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around  in the garden with a beer wondering what to  do.
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This has been  a public service message for women to better understand men.

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