26.9.05

Mondays are the best….

1. Get home
2. Eat something
3. Watch Eastenders
4. Play Xbox or watch TV till midnight
5. Go to bed.

Why?

Because the rest of the week is pure chaos.

Tuesday: Iron all my clothes for the week
Wednesday: 'Lifegroup' meeting
Thursday: Choir Practice
Friday: Movie night with the fiancee
Saturday: Clean up the house
Sunday: Church

So, let me go and watch some Jack Dee....good night all !!

Hush…

New pair of shoes today.

Hush Puppies.

They are the most comfortable shoes on the planet. I will never take them off :)

25.9.05

Digusting behaviour

Today, I crossed paths with pure scum.

Walking down the platform at London Bridge Station, some twat saw me in
my Liverpool jersey, and thought it would be a good idea to point to me
and sing

"You should have died at Hillsborough !!"

It took a few seconds for me to realise what he was saying. People
around were shutting him up, and some of them apologised on his
behalf, I on the other hand never said a word, just went on
my way.......forever the pacifist. But I have to admit, I felt like
running towards him and throwing him on the tracks.

For those of you who aren't football inclined , the Hillsborough disaster was a
deadly human crush that occurred on April 15, 1989, at Hillsborough, a
football stadium in Sheffield, England, resulting in the loss of 96
lives, (All Liverpool fans) during an FA cup semi final match
between Liverpool and Nottingham Forest.

22.9.05

Tired…..

I'm so tired, so you would think I'd be in bed by 1am, right?

Work has been hectic, mad I tell ye !! And it's not looking like
slowing down anytime soon. Tonight was my Choir 'lifegroup' night,
where we chat over dinner, and boy I needed it !! It was good just to
relax and not have anything serious on my mind for a few hours.......

Tomorrow is rehearsal proper, but I think I'll give it a miss, as I
have to be at the airport at 6am on Friday morning. Yes. I will be
getting rid of my teenage cousins, who have turned my flat upside down.
Hopefully, they won't break anything else before they leave.

I just want to find somewhere to lie down, and sleep for 2 whole days non stop. Maybe I'll do that now...........

Chair Philosophy

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after
a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already
seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped
it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have
learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion.
Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the
existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and
finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered
how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at
all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

17.9.05

Crazy………

This week has been fast paced, hectic, crazy, manic, overloaded, etc..
(You kinda get the picture, don't ya?). Work was just crazy.......never
had a minute to sit down and catch my breath. I'm loving the weekend,
lots of sleep, and as little activity as possible. And from Monday,
back to the grindstone.....

Funding for the wedding is at a crossroads, myself and my other half
are now 110% broke, and it doesn't look like money is coming from
anywhere. I'm the kind of person who like to have everything planned
out, and 'organised', it's driving me mad.

So what else is new? Not much. Wedding is in 41 days, 13 hours, 25
minutes and 40 seconds according to my trusty little timer on my PC
screen.

Gosh, my life is so boring.

I have absolutely nothing to blog about.

I think I'm going to crawl into my hole now....

12.9.05

Communication Problems

WIFE's THOUGHTS

Sunday night.

I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to
have coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought
he was upset that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet
so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him
what was wrong.

He said: "Nothing."

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had
nothing to do with me, and not to worry. On the way home I told him
that I loved him. He simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain
his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say: "I love u, too. "When we
got home, I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do
with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant
and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10minutes later he
came to bed. I could not take it any more, so I decided to confront him
with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried
until I
too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone
else. My life is a disaster.


HUSBAND's THOUGHT

Today, Manchester United lost the football match. DAMN IT..!!

11.9.05

Make Love, not war

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went
to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel
in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a
beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the
enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And
you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, father. She
started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger.
However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to
act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are
indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

10.9.05

The longest yard

Went to see this movie last night. I kept telling my girlfriend how they ripped out the British movie "Mean Machine" and 'Americanised' it. I came to do a blog about how Americans take british movies, and remake them.

After a little research, I've realised how wrong I was.

Mean Machine (2001) was actually based on an American movie called.......The Longest Yard (1974)
staring Burt Reynolds. The movie won a Golden Globe for Best Comedy/Musical and was received two Oscar nominations. The 2005 remake stared Adam Sandler, and Burt Reynolds also played a role as a coach.

Unlike it's 1974 counterpart, I don't see this movie winning amy awards. It's very ordinary, a bit funny in places, but not a super movie.

So what's it about?

Paul "Wrecking" Crewe was a revered football superstar back in his day, but that time has since faded. But when a messy drunk driving incident lands him in jail, Paul finds he was specifically requested by Warden Hazen (James Cromwell), a duplicitous prison official well aware of Paul's athletic skills. Paul has been assigned the task of assembling a team of convicts, to square off in a big football game against the sadistic guards. With the help of fellow convict Caretaker(Chris Rock), and an old legend named Nate Scarborough(Burt Reynolds) to coach, Crewe is ready for what promises to be a very interesting game. It's only the warden and the guards who have no idea who or what they're up against, with Paul the driving force behind the new team.

The movie also stars Nelly, the rap star..

Anyway, I've got a new game (incredible hulk) to play, and a leaking roof to contend with.......see you all later.

9.9.05

I want…………



Eltax DV-251 DivX DVD Player With Front Mount USB Port

It's a DVD player, but it plays ANYTHING, DIVX, AVIs, you name it. And
it has a USB port, so you can put a movie on a USSB stick, and watch !!
I'm not sure if it will connect to my removeable hard drive, but if it
does, that will be a MASSIVE plus, and I've got a few Gigs of movies on
that. So instead of burning all my videos that I have *ahem* acquired
through "legal" means to DVDs, I can just watch them STRAIGHT awat. And
for £40, this is a BARGAIN !! May have to spend another £70 for a 1GB
Memory stick, but if I can watch my movies on my widescreen flatscreen
TV instead of my dinky 15 inch monitor, it will be worth it !!




The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction

It hasn't gotten the best reviews in the world, but every single gaming
podcast I've listened to, and one or two other people who've played it
have said this is the best thing to come out on the Xbox this year.
Considering that Grand Theft Auto San Andreas came out this year, this
is no mean feat. It only just came out in the UK today, and it's
already sold out on www.play.com !!!



Pro Evolution Soccer 5

This is the next installment in what is simply the best soccer game out
there. I've been playing FIFA Football since 1993, and I've loved them,
but last year marked my transition to Pro Evo. And I've not looked
back, FIFA 06 will be the first FIFA game I won't buy since 1994 !!



Burnout Revenge

I'm not into driving games, but I played the demo of this game, and
it's BRILLIANT !! Easy to play, and most especially IT'S FUN !!

But sadly, with the wedding coming up, I can't afford all of this.
Maybe just one game. And I can't ask for any of this for a wedding
present, as it won't be fair on the missus.

Although, come to think of it, she won't mind the DVD Player.......mmmmmmmmmm

7.9.05

Today…….

I've finally printed out the wedding invites. Let's hope the missus gives her seal of approval. Thanks to
AMILLIONPIECES for helping out with the design this afternoon, and Sez for her very kind offer to help out, you guys are the best !! Thanks so much.

England lost their match tonight, and I was happy. TOO HAPPY. Sadly, if they win their last 2 matches, they'll still qualify. Nigeria may not go to the world cup, we need Angola to lose one of of their last matches to do that, and it's looking unlikely. A World Cup without Nigeria? Not since 1990 !!

Age Question

A college professor asked his class a question.

"If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?"

One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when Called upon said, "Professor you're 44.."

The Professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"

The student said, "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's only half crazy."

3 strikes

1. Got home to find a letter from BT. Apparently, my teenage cousins who have been staying at my house have been calling Nigeria, 49 times to be exact to the tune of £100. Where in God's name am I supposed to find that kind of money? They are currently in Manchester with my other cousins, so I called them and gave them a piece of my mind. It's not enough that their VERY RUDE girlfriends call my house at 1am, but now,they have to hit me in the pocket as well........<br>
<br>
2. While I was still coming to terms with the massive phone bill, I realised that my not-so-bright landlord had left the back door WIDE OPEN when he came in to fix the leaking toilet cistern for the 2nd time. Not just that, they had used my food bowl to clean out the toilet, so it's now stained with blue loo water. Not just that, but they left the entire bathroom in a right mess, took almost half an hour to clean it all up. So after screaming at my cousins, I gave him a call and SCREAMED at him for a while. <br>
<br>
3. Woke up this morning only to find that the toilet was still leaking. Nice puddle of water to greet me first thing this morning..............<br>
<br>
I'm gonna starngle someone. Today. Be warned.

Don’t mess with a Nigerian

A Nigerian and an American man are sitting next to each other on a long flight from London to New York. The American man leans over to the Nigerian and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Nigerian just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The American man persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun.<br>
<br>
He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."<br>
<br>
Again, the Nigerian politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The American man, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!" This catches the Nigerian's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.<br>
<br>
The American asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Nigerian doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the American.<br>
<br>
Now, it's the Nigerian's turn. He asks the American "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"<br>
<br>
The American looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers - all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the Nigerian and hands him $100.<br>
<br>
The Nigerian politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.<br>
<br>
The American, more than a little miffed, shakes the Nigerian and asks "Well, so what's the answer?"<br>
<br>
Without a word, the Nigerian reaches into his wallet, hands the American $5, and turns away to get back to sleep. <br>

5.9.05

Simple Solutions

A woman came to the psychiatrist worried. "Doctor," she said, "I can't sleep at night. When I'm in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won't hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?"

"Easy," said the doctor. "Just take the carpet off the floor."

Wedding Invite

Must go out this week.....

However, I'm kinda stuck.

I'm using Microsoft Publisher to do design it, but it looks like I need to use something professional like photoshop. But I don't know the first thing about Photoshop.

HELP.

4.9.05

Some French kid

...on Xbox live really got under my skin today.

It wasn't the fact that he beat me 6-1.

It wasn't the fact that I was called a 'bitch' with every goal he scored.

It wasn't the fact that he swore every 3 seconds.

It was when he asked me "do you like the bombs?"

"Did you like what the bombers did"

(Referring to the attacks on London in July).

Digusting behaviour, even for an 18 year old.

2.9.05

Why??

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? hehehe......

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? OOpps...

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why is it called building when it is already built?

If a book about failures sells, is it a success?

If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???

1.9.05

Thou shalt not:

Do/plan anything of consequence in August, for example, plan a wedding. Everyone is on holiday. Very, very frustrating.

This month is going to be very very busy at work, as we have several major projects that must be cmopleted before the manager goes on holiday at the end of the month. I will try VERY HARD to blog, as the wedding is next month, and I'm hoping I don't get carried away with all the activity.

Been looking at pics of the New orleans hurricane, it's MAD.................



Anyways, on a lighter note, here's something for all of us who love to hate Chelsea

(Got that from Chiccy's, it's kept me up all night laughing ! )

Pickup Backfire

Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son's room, a mother finally laid down the law: each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents.

By the end of the week, he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50- cent tip and a note that read,

"Thanks, Mom; keep up the good work!"