The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."
The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2005. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"
Jon says, "Well, sh*t, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."
and today was pretty tiring.
Church was great, we had Joyce Meyer today and she was AWESOME. I sang in two services with the choir, so I am pretty knackered.
Tomorrow is a bank holiday !! I'm thinking about going to the Notting Hill Carnival, but I might decide to rest instead. It's a great place to hook up with other Nigerians, and you always get to meet people you haven't seen in years. but I've got one really heavy month ahead at work, so I need to rest as much as I can.........
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Ray,'?"
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.
About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.
A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
"Hi, Ray," he said.
I replied, "Get lost Bill, I'm in a meeting."
Last night, I left oil in a frying pan, with the flame fully lit as I did the dishes, and I think I even watched a bit of TV. It was only when I was preparing to go to bed, that I turned out the lights and saw that I'd been heating the oil for at least 2 hours !!!
This morning, I left my George Foreman grill running, and went to work !! I thought I'd forgotten to turn it off on my way to work, but I was already running late. Got home at 7pm (11 hours later), and lo and behold, there is was, heating away.
So that's a spike on both my gas bill and electric.....
Eighty-thousand blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention."
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world blondes are not stupid.Â May I have a volunteer?"
A young blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance!Â Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting
80,000 of you in one place and we have the worlwide press and global
broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So she asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds the girl eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected
sigh-everyone is disheartened the blonde starts crying and the 80,000
blondes begin to yell and wave their hands shout: "GIVE HER ANOTHER
CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not she is doing more harm than good,
eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance." Then the young blonde
is asked: "What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 blondes
jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream, "GIVE
HER ANOTHER CHANCE!Â GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
*not cooked a meal (bought all my food)
*not slept more than 4 hours a night
*not seen my wonderful fiancee
*not watched much TV (I had to see Lost on Wednesday)
So basically, I'm a wreck. And I've been sleepng all day to recover from a very stressful week.
But it's all been worth it.
Passed all my exams.
So I can now add four (more) letters after my name.
MCSE (Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer)
Work has been mad......too much work, too little time. To top it all off, I'm doing training/exams this week (again), so I'm studying like a mad man. I wasn't going to take the exams this week, but my instructor spoke to me yesterday, and said he felt I should, and I'm really glad he did, as I passed today's exam !! I'm not so sure about the 2 on Friday, but we'll see how that goes.
So before I get back to studying, let me tell you 3 news stories that have caught my eye this week.
1. S Korean dies after games session
Gosh. This guy is my age and all. He played a video game for 50 hours, with very few breaks, AT AN INTERNET CAFE. Talk about obsession. Apparently, online games are big over there. The guy hadn't eaten or slept. So to all my friends who are thinking 'that could be you', don't worry, I'd never go that far !!
2. Man in nappy is hunted by police
Apparently, he's been approaching women in Teeside and asking: "Are there any baby changing facilities in the area?"
3. Knickers thief banned from Scilly
A builder who stole knickers and sex toys from women on the Isles of Scilly has been banned from visiting the islands for seven years. He stole the 'items' off washing lines apparently.
A girl playing an Xbox? Was that all it took to rope me in?
UK Online's ads on the tube and everywhere else never caught my attention, until a mate at work mentioned them, and all of a sudden, my eyes opened up to the possibility of an 8MB connection at home. I signed up, and apart from a minor hiccup in the begginning, they were OK.
When moving house, they made me pay Â£75 for the privilege of mving my service from the old house to the new one. (When I signed up, I told them I would be moving soon, so I knew about the charge). One would think that for this amount of money, they would return the favour with a reasonable degree of service.
I'm been internetless for about a month now. That's right. I've been on the phone to UK Online at least 10 times, and each time, you're placed on hold for about 20 minutes on average, before you get to speak to an actual person. I've been lied to, shouted at, and had several promises broken.
OK, I'll give them credit for one thing, I've been refunded my charges for the last 2 months. But then again, I've not been using the service for about half of that, so making me pay for it in the first place is a crime in itself.
Before I stop whinging, I have to tell you the worst mistake they made.
On the day my service was first 'activated', I got home and there was nothing. I called their tech suppport line. The problem? Well, they'd only gone and re-activated the service at my old house. Now, if I'm moving house, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that I'll be changing my address. Or does it? Is it too much to ask for these peopleto actually think? The first thing they did when I paid the Â£75 was to take my new address and phone number. So was that just to make sure they had their billing address for my credit card up to date?
I'm fuming, and it's going to take a while for me to calm down.
If you see anyone jumping off London Bridge in the next 2 hours, that'll be me then.
and got to work 10 minutes lates thanks to the delays.
Anyway, fingers crossed, I'm going to get broadband at home sorted on Monday. It's been off for 3 weeks, I can't believe I survived that long.
Against my better jugdement, I bought a new game last night. Will blog about that later today, if I can find the time.
Well, the missus and I walked into a store, and the perfect suit was staring at us. Tailor made to fit for a fellow 'big man' like myself, the owner couldn't pick it up, and it was going at half price. So there you go, it's all in the wardrobe now, and I'm just about ready to go !!
I hate not having broadband at home. It's so frustrating, and I'm finding it really difficult keeping up with everyone's blogs, as I'm a bit busy with work at the moment.
In other news, NATWEST bank has decided to pay me Â£50 after my strongly worded complaint