My dentist's appointment went like thus:
"Your teeth are in excellent condition, no need for fillings, in fact they are surprisingly white, so no need for polishing either."
"However, you have advanced gum disease. In fact, it has begun to damage the bones in your mouth. You will need at least four appointments with the oral hygienist. You mouth will be numbed so that your gums can be properly cleaned, and you will be taught how to keep
"You're not doing anything wrong, as your teeth are immaculately clean, but you will need to get your gums sorted as soon as possible"
"Each appointment will cost you Â£40, but I assure you, it is worth it, because if left untreated, your teeth will start to fall out."
Â£160 I didn't plan to spend.
First appointment is June 23rd. I'm told I'll be driblling saliava and not be able to speak for a few hours afterwards.