25.2.05

Choose Arsenal….(NOT!)

CHOOSE OVERBEARING ARROGANCE .


CHOOSE SYSTEMATIC DIRTY PLAY AND CALL IT "COMPETITIVENESS".


CHOOSE THE MOST STAGED,
CONTRIVED, UP-YOUR-OWN-ARSES GOAL CELEBRATIONS EVER WITNESSED.


CHOOSE HAVING THE UGLIEST MAN
ON EARTH AS YOUR CENTRE-BACK AND THE SECOND UGLIEST AS YOUR MANAGER.


CHOOSE WINNING TWO
CHAMPIONSHIPS IN ELEVEN SEASONS AND ACTING LIKE YOU'VE WON SEVEN IN NINE.


CHOOSE NAYIM FROM THE HALFWAY
LINE CHOOSE DRAWING 99% OF YOUR FANBASE FROM THE RANKS OF THE SUBURBAN ENGLISH
MIDDLE CLASSES.


CHOOSE PATRICK
VIEIRA WHINGING ABOUT HAVING TO PLAY TOO MUCH FOOTBALL EVEN THOUGH HE GETS TEN
GAMES' REST EVERY SEASON DUE TO SUSPENSIONS.


CHOOSE PAYING £9 MILLION FOR FRANCIS JEFFERS.


CHOOSE BEING "THE BANK OF
ENGLAND CLUB".


CHOOSE BROWN PAPER BAGS FULL OF
MONEY CHOOSE DENNIS BERGKAMP AND HIS CAREFULLY-TIMED ELBOWS INTO THE SIDE OF THE
HEAD.


CHOOSE DELIBERATELY
DISRESPECTING AND BELITTLING THE OTHER TEAM BY PLAYING KEEPY-UPPY IN THEIR HALF
WITH A FEW MINUTES TO GO.


CHOOSE FORCING MERCHANDISE VENDORS OUT OF BUSINESS BECAUSE
THEY MIGHT DEPRIVE YOU OF A COUPLE OF HUNDRED QUID ON MATCH DAYS .


CHOOSE FANCYING YOURSELVES AS
BETTER THAN REAL MADRID, THEN HAVING AUXERRE RUN RINGS AROUND
YOU AT HOME.


CHOOSE SOL
CAMPBELL CONTINUALLY TRIPPING OVER HIMSELF.


CHOOSE TURNING THE SPORTS SECTION OF THE OBSERVER INTO A
GUNNERS FANZINE.


CHOOSE GETTING
AWAY WITH LIGHT OR DELAYED PUNISHMENTS AT FA DISCIPLINARY HEARINGS BECAUSE
YOU'VE HAD EVERY POSSIBLE STRING PULLED BY DAVID DEIN.


CHOOSE A PERSECUTION COMPLEX
NONETHELESS AND NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT.


CHOOSE GAMESMANSHIP.

CHOOSE EMBARRASSING YOURSELVES IN A RENAULT "VA-VA-VOOM" AD
AND THEN DISGRACING YOURSELVES FURTHER AT THE WORLD CUP FINALS.


CHOOSE DAVID SEAMAN AND HIS
PUBLIC MID-LIFE CRISIS.


CHOOSE
WATCHING AN OPPONENT MISS A LAST-MINUTE PENALTY AGAINST YOU, THEN RUNNING AFTER
HIM AND JEERING HIM.


CHOOSE
GEORGE GRAHAM GRINDING HIS WAY TO THE DULLEST CHAMPIONSHIP WIN OF ALL TIME.


CHOOSE STEPPING FORWARD IN A
FOUR-MAN LINE WITH YOUR RIGHT HANDS ALL RAISED IN THE AIR, THEN SCREAMING ABUSE
AT THE LINESMAN WHEN HE HAS THE AUDACITY TO KEEP HIS FLAG DOWN.


CHOOSE TO SEE YOURSELVES AS ONE
OF THE GIANTS OF CONTINENTAL FOOTBALL WHEN YOU'VE NEVER EVEN REACHED A EUROPEAN
CUP SEMI-FINAL IN YOUR ENTIRE HISTORY. AND WONT THIS YEAR EITHER!


CHOOSE PICKING RAY PARLOUR FOR
OVER A DECADE.


CHOOSE HAVING
THE QUIETEST STADIUM IN THE WORLD ("THE LIBRARY") AS YOUR HOME GROUND, AND THEN
HAVING THE CHEEK TO SLAG CHELSEA ABOUT THEIR FANS.


CHOOSE HAVING NICK HORNBY AS
THE MOUTHPIECE OF YOUR SUPPORTERS.


CHOOSE MAKING UMPTEEN LISTS OF REASONS WHY ARSENAL ARE SO
GREAT, AND THEN ADMITTING YOU DIDN'T BOTHER FOLLOWING THEM FOR A FEW YEARS IN
THE 1980S WHEN THEY WERE GETTING SH!TE RESULTS.


CHOOSE TONY ADAMS COMING OUT WITH HIS USUAL DREARY "I AM A
RECOVERING ADDICT" SPIEL EVERY TIME A PREMIERSHIP FOOTBALLER BLOTS HIS
COPY-BOOK.


CHOOSE PRETENDING
THAT FIVE OR SIX YEARS OF PLAYING IN A WATCHABLE FASHION MAKES UP FOR INFLICTING
OVER A CENTURY OF ULTRA-DEFENSIVE DOGSH!T ON ENGLISH FOOTBALL WATCHERS.


CHOOSE IGOR STEPANOVS, NELSON
VIVAS, KANU, PASCAL CYGAN, DAVOR SUKER, GILLES GRIMANDI, DAVID GRONDIN, REMI
GARDE, KABA DIAWARA, JUNICHI INAMOTO, JEREMIE ALIADIERE, OLEG LUZHNY, LUIS BOA
MORTE, RICHARD WRIGHT, STEFAN MALZ, CHRISTOPHER WREH, AND ALL THE OTHER TURKEYS
THAT NOBODY EVER MENTIONS WHEN CREAMING THEMSELVES ABOUT HOW GREAT WENGER IS IN
THE TRANSFER MARKET.


CHOOSE 58
RED CARDS IN SEVEN YEARS.


CHOOSE LYING TO THE MEDIA THAT YOU DIDN'T SEE A SINGLE ONE OF
THE INCIDENTS THAT CAUSED ALL THESE RED CARDS.


CHOOSE BEING A BUNCH OF SMUG, SELF-REGARDING @**KERS WHO ARE
WELL ON THEIR WAY TO BEING EVEN MORE UNPOPULAR THAN MAN U IN LESS THAN HALF THE
TIME.


CHOOSE
ARSENAL.

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