Friday night was da bomb !! Ocean's 12 was OK, not an excellent movie, but still very watchable, and managed to throw up several laughs. And the Odeon at Leicester Square was really cool, it was my first time there, but I'm not sure if the fact that I'm in the West End means I should spend so much on a movie. (good thing I wasn't paying) !!
Anyway, after that, we were off to the 12 midnight showing at the Comedy club, and it was too MUCH. I laughed till I had tears in my eyes. The acts were really good, I particulary like Junior Simpson and Will Smith (not the famous one, but some posh bloke). There was an Aussie woman who thought it would be funny to take off all her clothes on stage (yep) and some crazy Irish guy. We left there at 2am, and got to the hotel around 3am.
Woke up at 7am to get to the office. And what a day it was. We got there at 9am, and didn't blink and rest much till 7pm when we left, the network hanging by a thread. We still haven't sorted out some aspects of the upgrade, but at least, the office will function at close to full capacity tomorrow morning, while we struggle to fix a few nagging problems. It was not a pretty day, and I didn't even eat lunch.
Then today. Chelsea beat Liverpool in a cruel, cruel match. Stevie Gerrard scored his first goal for Chelsea and STOPPED PLAYING. He gave up, and dissapeared from the match. The team crumbled, and we lost. I don't want to talk about it, I'm depressed.
However, there is something I must get out of my system. I now hate Jose Mourhino. He's a twat. He put his finger on his lips in front of the Liverpool fans, and was sent off. Very very stupid man. He is now saying that the gesture was for his critics in the press. Lie. He was right in front of the Liverpool fans, how did he get there? I was one of his biggest admirers, until tonight.
CHOOSE OVERBEARING ARROGANCE .
CHOOSE SYSTEMATIC DIRTY PLAY AND CALL IT "COMPETITIVENESS".
CHOOSE THE MOST STAGED,
CONTRIVED, UP-YOUR-OWN-ARSES GOAL CELEBRATIONS EVER WITNESSED.
CHOOSE HAVING THE UGLIEST MAN
ON EARTH AS YOUR CENTRE-BACK AND THE SECOND UGLIEST AS YOUR MANAGER.
CHOOSE WINNING TWO
CHAMPIONSHIPS IN ELEVEN SEASONS AND ACTING LIKE YOU'VE WON SEVEN IN NINE.
CHOOSE NAYIM FROM THE HALFWAY
LINE CHOOSE DRAWING 99% OF YOUR FANBASE FROM THE RANKS OF THE SUBURBAN ENGLISH
VIEIRA WHINGING ABOUT HAVING TO PLAY TOO MUCH FOOTBALL EVEN THOUGH HE GETS TEN
GAMES' REST EVERY SEASON DUE TO SUSPENSIONS.
CHOOSE PAYING Â£9 MILLION FOR FRANCIS JEFFERS.
CHOOSE BEING "THE BANK OF
CHOOSE BROWN PAPER BAGS FULL OF
MONEY CHOOSE DENNIS BERGKAMP AND HIS CAREFULLY-TIMED ELBOWS INTO THE SIDE OF THE
DISRESPECTING AND BELITTLING THE OTHER TEAM BY PLAYING KEEPY-UPPY IN THEIR HALF
WITH A FEW MINUTES TO GO.
CHOOSE FORCING MERCHANDISE VENDORS OUT OF BUSINESS BECAUSE
THEY MIGHT DEPRIVE YOU OF A COUPLE OF HUNDRED QUID ON MATCH DAYS .
CHOOSE FANCYING YOURSELVES AS
BETTER THAN REAL
YOU AT HOME.
CAMPBELL CONTINUALLY TRIPPING OVER HIMSELF.
CHOOSE TURNING THE SPORTS SECTION OF THE OBSERVER INTO A
AWAY WITH LIGHT OR DELAYED PUNISHMENTS AT FA DISCIPLINARY HEARINGS BECAUSE
YOU'VE HAD EVERY POSSIBLE STRING PULLED BY DAVID DEIN.
CHOOSE A PERSECUTION COMPLEX
NONETHELESS AND NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT.
CHOOSE EMBARRASSING YOURSELVES IN A RENAULT "VA-VA-VOOM" AD
AND THEN DISGRACING YOURSELVES FURTHER AT THE WORLD CUP FINALS.
CHOOSE DAVID SEAMAN AND HIS
PUBLIC MID-LIFE CRISIS.
WATCHING AN OPPONENT MISS A LAST-MINUTE PENALTY AGAINST YOU, THEN RUNNING AFTER
HIM AND JEERING HIM.
GEORGE GRAHAM GRINDING HIS WAY TO THE DULLEST CHAMPIONSHIP WIN OF ALL TIME.
CHOOSE STEPPING FORWARD IN A
FOUR-MAN LINE WITH YOUR RIGHT HANDS ALL RAISED IN THE AIR, THEN SCREAMING ABUSE
AT THE LINESMAN WHEN HE HAS THE AUDACITY TO KEEP HIS FLAG DOWN.
CHOOSE TO SEE YOURSELVES AS ONE
OF THE GIANTS OF CONTINENTAL FOOTBALL WHEN YOU'VE NEVER EVEN REACHED A EUROPEAN
CUP SEMI-FINAL IN YOUR ENTIRE HISTORY. AND WONT THIS YEAR EITHER!
CHOOSE PICKING RAY PARLOUR FOR
OVER A DECADE.
THE QUIETEST STADIUM IN THE WORLD ("THE LIBRARY") AS YOUR HOME GROUND, AND THEN
HAVING THE CHEEK TO SLAG
CHOOSE HAVING NICK HORNBY AS
THE MOUTHPIECE OF YOUR SUPPORTERS.
CHOOSE MAKING UMPTEEN LISTS OF REASONS WHY ARSENAL ARE SO
GREAT, AND THEN ADMITTING YOU DIDN'T BOTHER FOLLOWING THEM FOR A FEW YEARS IN
THE 1980S WHEN THEY WERE GETTING SH!TE RESULTS.
CHOOSE TONY ADAMS COMING OUT WITH HIS USUAL DREARY "I AM A
RECOVERING ADDICT" SPIEL EVERY TIME A PREMIERSHIP FOOTBALLER BLOTS HIS
THAT FIVE OR SIX YEARS OF PLAYING IN A WATCHABLE FASHION MAKES UP FOR INFLICTING
OVER A CENTURY OF ULTRA-DEFENSIVE DOGSH!T ON ENGLISH FOOTBALL WATCHERS.
CHOOSE IGOR STEPANOVS, NELSON
VIVAS, KANU, PASCAL CYGAN, DAVOR SUKER, GILLES GRIMANDI, DAVID GRONDIN, REMI
GARDE, KABA DIAWARA, JUNICHI INAMOTO, JEREMIE ALIADIERE, OLEG LUZHNY, LUIS BOA
MORTE, RICHARD WRIGHT, STEFAN MALZ, CHRISTOPHER WREH, AND ALL THE OTHER TURKEYS
THAT NOBODY EVER MENTIONS WHEN CREAMING THEMSELVES ABOUT HOW GREAT WENGER IS IN
THE TRANSFER MARKET.
RED CARDS IN SEVEN YEARS.
CHOOSE LYING TO THE MEDIA THAT YOU DIDN'T SEE A SINGLE ONE OF
THE INCIDENTS THAT CAUSED ALL THESE RED CARDS.
CHOOSE BEING A BUNCH OF SMUG, SELF-REGARDING @**KERS WHO ARE
WELL ON THEIR WAY TO BEING EVEN MORE UNPOPULAR THAN MAN U IN LESS THAN HALF THE
Anyways, tonight we're doing some work after the office has closed, but after that, we're off to see Oceans 12 at Odeon Leceister SQUARE. I'm really looking foward to it, the only 'West End' cinemas I've been to are the UGC ones at Haymarket and Piccadily circus. But that's not all. After that we've got tickets to 'The Comedy Store' round the corner from there at midnight. I'm REALLY REALLY looking forward to that, I'm a big lover of stand up comedy, so those guys had better be good !!
After that, we're all going to a nearby hotel where we'll get a few hours shut eye, and then it's back to the office for 8.30am tomorrow morning !!!!
HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND PEOPLE !
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry ....
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?
YOU'LL NEVER WORK ALONE !!!!!
Liverpool were superb tonight. I didn't see the match as I was at rehearsals, but my good friend and fellow long-suffering liverpool fan sppadic kept me up to date via the wonderful technology of SMS. 3-1 !! I'm waiting to see the highlights on ITV, but I'm a bit chuffed with the team, as we played without Gerrard and Morientes (Cup-tied). Chelsea next !! And with all the injuries they have, there's never been a better time to play them. Hopefully, they'll lose to Barca tomorrow (I really don't see them winning that), and we'll play them after 2 straight defeats. That could play out in two ways, either their confidence is so battered, they'll roll over and die, or they will be so determined to get back to winning ways, they'll come out all guns blazing. Either way, it's going to be a KILLER match !!
Can someone please tell me why Jerzy Dudek is still alive? Or worse, still between the sticks at Anfield?
Oh, and ARSENAL lost !!! ARSENAL LOST !! ARSENAL LOST !! He he he he he......
(Boso breaks into song AGAIN)
Let me tell you a story of a young boy
Who was sent far away from his home
Went to fight for his king and his country
And also the old folks back home
So they put him in the Highland division
Sent him off to a far foreign land
Where the flies swarm around in their thousands
These were the last words he said...
Oh... I am a Liverpudlian
I come from the Spion Kop
I like to sing, I like to shout
I go there quite a lot (every week)
We are the team who plays in red
A team that we all know
A team that we call Liverpool
And to glory we will go
We've won the League
We've won the Cup
We've been to Europe too
We played the Toffees for a laugh
And we left them feeling blue
(Back to life.......)
Today, bloggers of the world are uniting. Two of our own have been jailed in Iran. Tomorrow has been declared 'Free Mojotaba and Arash Day'.
For more information, see this BBC Article or visit the Committee to Protect Bloggers.
I've found myself playing catch up after being away from work for so long. I feel like it's been a lot longer than a week, there were a few too many changes while I was away, and someone ACTUALLY TIDIED UP MY DESK. How could they? They've destroyed the only thing that used to keep me sane around here.
My bro's wedding was simply fabulous. It was real good fun, and I was a good best man and all. Will post some pics later in the day or early tomorrow.
OK, back to work....
He opens his mouth and says, "I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses."
If you got this wrong......you should not tell anyone.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed, or some sort of variant.
One Student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know if the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a memeber of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong ot more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With
birth anddeath rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look a the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and presssure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilites:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you." and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her,
then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.
The student received the only "A" given.
Came home on Monday, and before I could say 'Day Nurse', I was lying in bed, shivering like I was in the Artic. Hadn't eaten a thing all day, and felt terrible.
Well, today is Thursday, and I'm not exactly in top form. I went out on Tuesday and Wednesday nights, but I don't feel like I'm at 100% yet. I'm not sure when this silyl fever/cold will blow over, but it's already ruined my 'holiday', I had Wednesday - Friday off !! Anyways, I have to drag myself to Gloscester tomorrow for my brother's wedding, so
I may not get an opportunity to blog before Sunday.
And I hope by then, I'll be feeling better.
Anyway, I'm at work, and I hope I make it to the end of the day. I've got Wednesday to Friday off, so I guess I can 'tough it up' from now till Wednesday, and sleep like a log on Wednesday.
In honour of it being Valentine's day, I've got 2 pics:
The Valentine card that impresses.
Someone finally got him !! Thank God for that !!
Please be advised that there are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
* It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
* If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
* If you drive a 10 year old car or public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
* If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wooow!). They are called Sunday.
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take diet pill.
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
TOILET USE: Heee Heeee Heee
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
* There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
* After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
* Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
All personal internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary. (note: Â£2 per minute as we have 4MB connection). Just for the record. 73% of the staff will not be entitled to any salary for the next 3 months as their internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice day.
Recent stomach problems are a thing of the past. It's funny how many different things I got told to do :
1. Stick my finger down my throat to make sure I threw up everything in my stomach (Thanks, but no thanks!)
2. Drink milk to coat my stomach walls (I've heard this before, my flatmate seemed to think it was a dumb idea
3. Drink lots and lots of water
4. Don't eat anything, and 'starve' whatever it is that's causing the stomach ache.
5. Eat spicy food to remove the taste of nausea from your mouth.
I did 2-4, and by afternoon, it seemed everything had settled down. I grilled 2 pieces of chicken, and put enough spice on it to choke a small child. And presto !! I was cured !!
Had a wonderful Chinese takeaway, as my little way of celebrating Chinese New Year.
This morning, everything was going according to plan, until I got to Leyton station. There was a massive crowd trying to get into the station, it was simply pure chaos. I'm not sure why it was so crowded, but it looked like trouble, so I called the office to say I was running
late, and stayed on the bus, got off at Startford, used the Jubilee line to West Ham, and took THE LAST train to Fenchurch Street at 9.05 am. got to Work 9.20am. not too bad. I heard they were going to do some work on expanding the entrance at Leyton Station. It's a really small station, but it's really busy, on the Central Line, it's the busiest I've seen outside Central London !!!
Anyways, back to work !!
I think I'm cool. If nothing happens in the next hour or so, then I'll give myself the all clear.
I've been catching up on 24 series 3, so it's not a day wasted, but I
feel so useless, I never thought I'd say this, but I WANT TO GO TO WORK
Anyway, I've taken the day off sick, I feel a little tired from all the throwing up (who would have thought it was such hard work!), and my stomach is really empty, but I'm afraid to eat anything, lest I set off whatever it was that made me sick. today is going to be an interesting day indeed.
And it's ironic. today is Chinese new Year. What did I eat last night (prime suspect for my predicament) ? Chinese Ribs !!! i've since cancelled my plans to get Chinese tonight to celebrate New Year.....
This is me, fresh from battle. Shot in the left hand for the first of what was to be several times.
With the crew at home base.
With my girlfriend, at lunchtime.
Oh, you're dead. Boso lying in wait.
Was a good day. Now back to work.
P.S. Is anyone else having problems with MSN messenger this morning?
In the morning, my girlfriend and I had to contend with the worst National Rail had to offer, a 15 minute delay on our first train meant we missed our connecting train at Worcester, and got to Kidderminster at 10.30, one hour late !! we had missed one game, which our team had lost.
Our team was made up of me, the wonderful girfriend, a group of my friends from Liverpool, and a friend of a friend got 6 of his mates and his grilfriend as well. Anyway, in the second game (my first), I was thrown staright into the thick of the action, fnding myself near one of the items we were meant to locate and return to base. I had 2 members of the other team in close proximity, trying to shoot me down. I felt several paintballs whizzing past me at 130 mph (so we were told) and hitting the tree I was hiding behind. Luckily, one of my team members took out one of them, and I managed to get the other one, picked up the item and made it back to base. And after returning it, my legs were shot terribly, but hey, I'd just gotten my team one point !! And after that game, we were back in the lead.
The other games were really cool, there was a really cool one, where we had to locate a yellow jacket and try and get it on a bridge, king of the hill, attacking an enemy base, defending the enemy base, it was mad fun !! ran out of paintballs (and cash) towards the end of the day, but I managed to catch up with some friends I hadn't seen in AGES, and had so much fun.
At the end of the day, we took our brusied and bloodied bodies home, with promises to do this again sometime !! It was great fun, and I'm looking to do it all over again.
Unfortunately, in the mad rush to get there, I left my camera in London, however, a friend took one, and I will get the pics tomorrow, and post them. These are from the paintball company's website, just to wet appetites.
And tomorrow, back to the boring world of computers.....
It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs are then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.
One CEO alone remains onboard the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies, "If it's the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."
- Customer: "I've just done a new Word document, saved it, then accidentally deleted it. Is there anything you can do to get it back?"
- Tech Support: "Sorry, no, the backup isn't run until night time."
- Customer: "Ohh, can we restore it tomorrow, then?"
Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the landlord asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?"
The Foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty."
"Why don't you wear them?"
The Foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn't hear him! Never again, never again!"
Johnathan Ross is a film critic, his opinion is important to me, and I've discovered that any film he likes, I like, and any film he doesn't lilke, I don't like.
He just reviewed Ocean's Twelve on TV now. I'll just put the last thing he said.
"When I left the cinema, I saw a man riding a bicycle. Only then was my faith in human creativity and ingenuity restored"
On his website he says:
"When you boil it down to basics though, Ocean's Twelve is just plain dull and given its $110m price tag, that's the boldest crime of all."