30.12.05

Nigerian Bloggers

Should have done this ages ago, but I've just realised that a lot of my traffic is coming from this site, so I think I must acknowledge them.

www.nigerianbloggers.com is a website set up by a good friend (who I met online), which consolidates RSS feeds from loads of blogs from Nigerians around the world. I almost had a heart attack, when I saw that a classmate of mine had been arrested, for inadvertently calling the president of Nigeria an �inconsequential idiot�.What ?!?! On closer examination, it was all a joke.

Anyway, back to my boring existence......I've just heard that we're going home at 3pm today........WOOOOOOO!!


Tube Strike

It's really not fair. The tube strike tomorrow will ruin new year celebrations for millions of Londoners....and to top it off, most of the tube will be closed for new year's day as well. And as far as I can see, all they want is more money, less work.

I'm gonna find myself a tube driver to strangle....be right back.

29.12.05

Ghost town

Going to work today was so surreal, the streets were all empty, the trains were empty, the office was empty, the city was deserted, it was all so very depressing !!

Someone nicked my bow tie from the suit I rented for the office party, so I had to pay �5 for it. not good, not good at all.

Right now, I'm about to sleep........and I've got two more boring days of work left this week.

25.12.05

You know what I like

For Christmas, my wife got me a pair of trainers from Nike:



And this wonderful game:



I'm really pleased, I really needed a pair of trainers, and she got me a really lovely pair, she's such a darling !! And because I'm always stepping on my shoelaces, she got a pair without any, but they're really cool....I LIKE them, and I LOVE HER.

In return, I got her 2 shirts from Hawes and Curtis (her favourite clothes store methinks) to replace 2 she lost when she moved into mine, and this set, minus the bangle:



So, merry Christmas all.......I've got a mountain of food to tackle in a few hours, I can't wait !!

21.12.05

Office Christmas party tomorrow…

So I will drag myself there, no matter how I feel. It's a black tie event, and I'm even meant to get on stage and sing some christmas carols at some point !! I pray I'm up to it.

I do feel a little better today, I've been hitting myself with heavy doses of night nurse and sudafed every six hours...seems to be working.

20.12.05

I am now………

at home..........

Today I’m feeling

...like crap.

I've got a cold, a headache, and I wish I wasn't sitting in the office.

19.12.05

Secret Santa……

So this is what I got for the guy:



It's a long beer glass. (I think)

What do you think?

17.12.05

Christmas present…

Got my wife's pressie today, and it's looking nice....

However, I'm still in a bit of a dilemna over the present to buy for our secret santa in the office. I've got a really posh guy to buy something for, any ideas?

15.12.05

Upgrade….

Upgraded my broadband to a lovely 22MB.......OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

12.12.05

Not again………

Another plane crash in Nigeria.This one has got me real upset. Most of the 106 people who are now dead were teenagers from one school, going home for the holidays. Listening to the parents of these kids is heart wrenching.

One woman lost her only child.

A family lost 3 of their children (all their kids).

Another family lost 4 of their kids. (again the entire family).

There were two couples on board. (i.e. husband and wife)

An Amerian national and a French national, both with Doctors without Borders.

A popular Tele-evangelist, Pastor (Mrs.) Bimbo Odukoya, a woman who influenced my generation with relation to love and marriage.

The list goes on and on.

This is the second air crash in Nigeria in less than 2 months (there was one the week before my wedding).

what makes this really sad, what kills me, is that the plane crashed as it was landing. All those parents actually watched as their kids died.

There is one survivor in critical condition.

God help us all.

9.12.05

Manchester United

Due to the unfortunate events that surrounded the minute's silence to
's silence or a minute's applause is the best way to
's exit from
's laughing will be observed at
's matches.

3.12.05

*SOBS*

The guys and girls working at Goldman Sachs will all receive bonuses totalling $11 billion (about �6 billion) !

Even an entry level associate can expect to receive a bonus of about �41,000, enough to double their salaries.

I think the list I companies I want to work for just got a little longer.....

To whom it may concern…

The big fat guy snoring on the train all the way into London yesterday.


Around 6pm.


That was me.

30.11.05

Your mission, if you choose to accept it…..

is to help my wife and I dispose of a case of Stella left over from our wedding.

've been there for almost a month. And if you all decide not to help u, they'll be there for a year, maybe even more.

29.11.05

26.11.05

Just when you thought it was safe to go outside…..

Yup, more wedding photos.

Some taken from my mate's camera are here, and the ones from the professional photgrapher are here

I've been trying to blog all week, but everytime I typed a post at work, it was lost when I tried to submit. And at home, well, lets' just say my wife has been trying very hard to keep me as far away from the PC as possible. And I'm not complaining

Anyway, I've been lurking around in the shadows, leaving comments on blogs when I can, and trying to keep up to date with every one. Take care people !!

17.11.05

Only Nigeria would…………………………….

1. Have their football team land just four hours before they were to play a match.

2. Play a second string team because we didn't qualify for the World Cup. Who cares if we're playing Romania?

3. Have so few players, that there was only one person on the bench. Remember they all just got off the plane? So I'm guessing there were some tired legs out there.

So what was the result?

Romania 3 Nigeria 0

And Romania was missing important players like Juventus striker Adrian Mutu and Roma defender Cristian Chivu.

15.11.05

What the?

The strangest thing.

Got an email from a company inviting me to apply for a job. I ignored it. Then I got another email saying my application has been received, and someone will be in touch soon, yada, yada, yada. They even gave me a candidate number, etc !! Talk about being presumptuous !!

So why didn't I apply for a position that pays �10,000 more than what I'm currently on? Because this particular company sometimes invites you to apply for a position that they plan to fill with an internal candidate, but they invite people (who they know will not be as good as their internal candidate) to apply, and then they can claim that the job was advertised, people interviewed, and their person was the best for the job. I've been a victim of this earlier on in the year. So this time, I'm not biting.

Thanks but no thanks.

14.11.05

excezma

in both my ear canals is what is causing the itching apparently. Oh dear.

've been given an ear spray to use for the next one month.

've just

‘ear ‘ear

I've got some wax stuck in my ear that's irritating the hell out of the ear canal.

's really terrible, the ear canal is itching like mad, but guess
't scratch it . So I've basically been enduring itching
's drving me mad, very, very slowly.

10.11.05

AARRRGHHH

I typed a REALLY LONG post, and it's gone.

I'm on strike.

No more blogging.

5.11.05

Prague was….

Absolutely brilliant !!

The best 4 days of my life, exploring one of the world's most beautiful
cities with the most beautiful woman in the world by my side. As it was
a honeymoon, we never found out about the night life (if you know what
I mean )

Anyway, it's exactly a week now since we got married, it's been a
brilliant week, I'm loving married life, and I pray it stays like this
forever. Everyday, I realise that I married my best friend, and we're
getting closer with each passing day.

In other news, it's been a good week for me, football wise as well.
Chelsea lost, Man U is in Crisis, and Liverpool has been winning. I
should get married more often ;)

30.10.05

The most special day of my life…..

Yesterday was truly the happiest day I've had on earth. I would like to
go back to my very wonderful wife soon, so this will be short and sweet.

Highlights of the day:

1. Seeing the most beautiful woman in the world walk up the aisle, and knowing she was coming to be with me. Forever.
2. Looking into her eyes and making a vow to be with her for better for worse, till death do us part.
3. Realisng that God has blessed me with the best set of friends in the world.
4. Waking up at 5am this morning to see a gorgeous woman next to me.
Realising that she'll be there every morning till the end of time.

I'M LOVING BEING MARRIED.

Tomorrow, we're off to Prague for our honeymoon, so it's gonna be quiet
around here, and I won't be able to look at any blogs till the weekend.
Thanks so much to Sez and sppadic who both showed up, and gave wonderful gifts as well !!

See you all on Saturday :)

P.S. A friend has posted some pics at this link

I promise to sort out some photos when I get back.

29.10.05

What’s the worst that could happen?

Blocked toilet 12 hours before your wedding.

Just got back from Asda with bleach, and all sorts of stuff to clear up the blockage, not having my missus not being able to use the loo on her first night here !! It's 2 am. I'm getting married in 12 hours. I think I need to sleep............

28.10.05

Last day of freedom

And here we are, 24 hours to my wedding. Where did all the time go? I can still remember proposing to her, I can still remember when we started dating !!!

So here we go, I'm as nervous as turkey at Christmas !!

27.10.05

Prague, here we come !!

I got the visa....(breathes a heavy sigh of relief).

So we're going to Prague for the honeymoon !! I'm so excited, I can't
contain myself. I've arranged a cab from the airport, and I've been
researching the sights and the city in general.

That's not to say I haven't been doing wedding stuff.My mum is in town,
and in charge if you know what I mean. To be honest, I've been trying
to spend a lot of time by myself, are the nerves beginning to show.
Maybe, just maybe.But then, all I need to do is speak to her (my
fiancee) on the phone, and it all melts away. I remember why I'm doing
what I'm doing, and all fear is gone.

Wedding rehearsal tomorrow.

The wedding is now in 1 day, 17 hours, 00 minutes and 34 seconds.

Oh crikey.


25.10.05

SHould I….

a) cut my hair myself (as usual)

b) use a barber (will be the first time EVER in the UK!)

for my wedding?

22.10.05

My Dilemma

The price for the honeymoon is going up daily, and if I don't pay for
it now, it won't cost the £250 I thought it was going to. It's
currently at £296. If I wait till Thursday to pay for it, I will pay
£400. However, if I don't get the visa, I'm stuffed.

Although it looks very likely I'll get it, I had all the documents they
wanted, and the woman sounded very positive, even telling me to 'Make
sure I buy travel insurance, otherwise I won't be allowed into the
country'

Advice please?

Does lastminute.com do refunds?

21.10.05

Counting my chickens

Apparently, the visa hasn't yet been given.

Here we come…

I got my visa, so that means we're going to Prague for the honeymoon. I'm a bit excited, as:

1. I've never ever been to a country where English isn't spoken

2. I've only ever been to 2 countries in my life, the UK and my native Nigeria.

So it's gonna be fun !!

I was at the Czech embassy from 8am this morning, and there were 3 people ahead of me in the queue. One Egyptina, another Arab and a South African girl, and we all chatted away as the rain fell all around us. By 9am, the queue had grown to 15 people. We got in, and I got attended to right away, it was less than 5 minutes for the interview, and I go to pick up my visa on Thursday !!

YAY !!

18.10.05

Custody hearing in Liverpool

A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a < ?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />Liverpool courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Everton Football Club whom the boy firmly believes are incapable of beating anyone< ?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />.

17.10.05

I just realised

In the midst of all the shopping/planning/phone calls/negotiations I'M GETTING MARRIED NEXT WEEK !!

I'm gonna to be looking a bit plain on the day, no waist coat for me, I can't find one for love or money !! Any suggestions?

I was in High and Mighty (store that sells clothes for big and tall men) today and had a look at some shirts. I found the best incentive to lose weight. They had casual shirts that fitted me perfectly, for about �90. Oh dear. I might pick up some of their packet shirts for work, those were about �20 a pop............

Anyway, so it's getting closer.............

16.10.05

Wedding

I don't want to hear that word.

Everything I do now is wedding-related. It's getting to me.

Every single phone call has to do with someone calling to find out how
plans are going, someone who is miffed they didn't get an invite, or
someone who 'is in town and would like to come along'.

12 days, 15 hours, 29 minutes 42 seconds to go.............

And then I don't want to hear the word wedding until it's someone else's and I'm going there to have fun and enjoy myself.

That aside, I can't wait to get married.

I'm happy, excited, scared, nervous, estactic, anxious, ALL AT THE SAME TIME !!

10.10.05

To all Network Administrators…..

If you use Microsoft Server products....before you sleep every night, pray this prayer:

"Dear God, please don't let my Primary Domain Controller go down/crash".

If you don't, you'll come to realise that the 'redundancy' Microsoft
provides for their domain controllers is A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.

I've had a horrible, horrible day.

9.10.05

It’s a sad. sad day

Yesterday, as the English were celebrating qualifying for the world
cup, me and Nigerians around the world were wondering what might have
been. Nigeria had a slim chance of qualification, if we beat Zimbabwe
at home, and Angola failed to beat Rwanda, we were through. Zimbabwe
needed to win to qualify for the African Nations Cup, while Rwanda were
bottom of the group, and their result was meanligness to them. There
had been accusations the Rwandans had been bribed to lose by the
Angolans, and that the Nigerians had been paying people to try and beat
the Angolans FIFA stepped in, and both matches went on
simutaneously......

Sadly, it was not to be. Nigeria quickly took control of the match, eventually wining 5-1. But
in the 58th minute, the Angolans scored the only goal in the other
match to render our result useless. And so, for the first time since
1994, Nigeria won't be at the World Cup. However, our football
administration has been in dire straits, with FIFA potentially kicking
us out soon.

There was drama all over Africa, as 4 nations qualified for the first time, signifying the shift of power in African football.

1. Togo - Coached by former Nigerian Captian Stephen Keshi. Togo have
surprised many by qualifying ahead of Senegal. However, they had to
come from behind to beat Congo, so it was close, and Senegal's 3-0
victory was useless.

2. Ghana - Despite being one of the powerhouses of African football,
producing such great players like Tony Yeboah and Abedi Pele, Ghana has
never been to a world cup. This time, with the 'Chelski' Micheal
Essien, they have made it ahead of South Africa and the other Congo.
(DR)

3. Cote d'Ivoire (Ivory Coast) - with Chelsea overrated, overpaid
striker Didier Drogba, the Ivory Coast had a tough job with Cameroun
and Egypt in their group. On the last day, Cameroun needed to win
against Egypt, and had a late penalty with the score tied at 1-1. An
entire nation were in shock as the ball hit the bar, and bounced out.
And Cote d'Ivoire's 3-0 victory took them through. Oh dear..The image
of an inconsolable Samuel Eto'o will be classic viewing for years to
come.

4. Angola - Of all the seeded teams, Nigeria had the easiet group on
paper. But they were too complacent, and losing to Angola in Luanda was
our undoing. We drew with them in Nigeria, and with both teams getting
18 points, Angola's superior head to head record took them through.

5. Tunisia - The only team with world cup experience. It wasn't easy qualifying ahead of Morocco....but they did.

And now, I'm off to cry into my pillow.

7.10.05

Long time, no blog

I've been really, really busy at work, but finally, things are starting to slow down.

So how have you all been? I feel like I have so much to say, and nothing to say at the same time.

As for wedding preparations, it's all going well, apart from the caterer who's decided to pull out from it all, with 3 weeks to go. Hopefully, we'll find someone else, but it was a pretty good deal, and now we will probably have to spend more money, which we don't really have.

Sadly, it seems we have to cancel the honeymoon, as we can't afford it. We may go off for a few days somewhere nice and local, but right now, it's not looking good, and it's killing me. At times like this, I feel like going to rob a bank...... !!

I'm come down with a cold, which is both good and bad news. Bad, because I my colds usually knock me for six for a few days, good because this particular cold is going round the office, and there would be nothing worse than catching it close to the wedding.

OK, so that's a small update on what's been happening. I'll do a few posts on football, games and movies a little later today.

26.9.05

Mondays are the best….

1. Get home
2. Eat something
3. Watch Eastenders
4. Play Xbox or watch TV till midnight
5. Go to bed.

Why?

Because the rest of the week is pure chaos.

Tuesday: Iron all my clothes for the week
Wednesday: 'Lifegroup' meeting
Thursday: Choir Practice
Friday: Movie night with the fiancee
Saturday: Clean up the house
Sunday: Church

So, let me go and watch some Jack Dee....good night all !!

Hush…

New pair of shoes today.

Hush Puppies.

They are the most comfortable shoes on the planet. I will never take them off :)

25.9.05

Digusting behaviour

Today, I crossed paths with pure scum.

Walking down the platform at London Bridge Station, some twat saw me in
my Liverpool jersey, and thought it would be a good idea to point to me
and sing

"You should have died at Hillsborough !!"

It took a few seconds for me to realise what he was saying. People
around were shutting him up, and some of them apologised on his
behalf, I on the other hand never said a word, just went on
my way.......forever the pacifist. But I have to admit, I felt like
running towards him and throwing him on the tracks.

For those of you who aren't football inclined , the Hillsborough disaster was a
deadly human crush that occurred on April 15, 1989, at Hillsborough, a
football stadium in Sheffield, England, resulting in the loss of 96
lives, (All Liverpool fans) during an FA cup semi final match
between Liverpool and Nottingham Forest.

22.9.05

Tired…..

I'm so tired, so you would think I'd be in bed by 1am, right?

Work has been hectic, mad I tell ye !! And it's not looking like
slowing down anytime soon. Tonight was my Choir 'lifegroup' night,
where we chat over dinner, and boy I needed it !! It was good just to
relax and not have anything serious on my mind for a few hours.......

Tomorrow is rehearsal proper, but I think I'll give it a miss, as I
have to be at the airport at 6am on Friday morning. Yes. I will be
getting rid of my teenage cousins, who have turned my flat upside down.
Hopefully, they won't break anything else before they leave.

I just want to find somewhere to lie down, and sleep for 2 whole days non stop. Maybe I'll do that now...........

Chair Philosophy

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after
a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already
seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped
it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have
learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion.
Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the
existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and
finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered
how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at
all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

17.9.05

Crazy………

This week has been fast paced, hectic, crazy, manic, overloaded, etc..
(You kinda get the picture, don't ya?). Work was just crazy.......never
had a minute to sit down and catch my breath. I'm loving the weekend,
lots of sleep, and as little activity as possible. And from Monday,
back to the grindstone.....

Funding for the wedding is at a crossroads, myself and my other half
are now 110% broke, and it doesn't look like money is coming from
anywhere. I'm the kind of person who like to have everything planned
out, and 'organised', it's driving me mad.

So what else is new? Not much. Wedding is in 41 days, 13 hours, 25
minutes and 40 seconds according to my trusty little timer on my PC
screen.

Gosh, my life is so boring.

I have absolutely nothing to blog about.

I think I'm going to crawl into my hole now....

12.9.05

Communication Problems

WIFE's THOUGHTS

Sunday night.

I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to
have coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought
he was upset that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet
so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him
what was wrong.

He said: "Nothing."

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had
nothing to do with me, and not to worry. On the way home I told him
that I loved him. He simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain
his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say: "I love u, too. "When we
got home, I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do
with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant
and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10minutes later he
came to bed. I could not take it any more, so I decided to confront him
with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried
until I
too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone
else. My life is a disaster.


HUSBAND's THOUGHT

Today, Manchester United lost the football match. DAMN IT..!!

11.9.05

Make Love, not war

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went
to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel
in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a
beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the
enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And
you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, father. She
started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger.
However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to
act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are
indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

10.9.05

The longest yard

Went to see this movie last night. I kept telling my girlfriend how they ripped out the British movie "Mean Machine" and 'Americanised' it. I came to do a blog about how Americans take british movies, and remake them.

After a little research, I've realised how wrong I was.

Mean Machine (2001) was actually based on an American movie called.......The Longest Yard (1974)
staring Burt Reynolds. The movie won a Golden Globe for Best Comedy/Musical and was received two Oscar nominations. The 2005 remake stared Adam Sandler, and Burt Reynolds also played a role as a coach.

Unlike it's 1974 counterpart, I don't see this movie winning amy awards. It's very ordinary, a bit funny in places, but not a super movie.

So what's it about?

Paul "Wrecking" Crewe was a revered football superstar back in his day, but that time has since faded. But when a messy drunk driving incident lands him in jail, Paul finds he was specifically requested by Warden Hazen (James Cromwell), a duplicitous prison official well aware of Paul's athletic skills. Paul has been assigned the task of assembling a team of convicts, to square off in a big football game against the sadistic guards. With the help of fellow convict Caretaker(Chris Rock), and an old legend named Nate Scarborough(Burt Reynolds) to coach, Crewe is ready for what promises to be a very interesting game. It's only the warden and the guards who have no idea who or what they're up against, with Paul the driving force behind the new team.

The movie also stars Nelly, the rap star..

Anyway, I've got a new game (incredible hulk) to play, and a leaking roof to contend with.......see you all later.

9.9.05

I want…………



Eltax DV-251 DivX DVD Player With Front Mount USB Port

It's a DVD player, but it plays ANYTHING, DIVX, AVIs, you name it. And
it has a USB port, so you can put a movie on a USSB stick, and watch !!
I'm not sure if it will connect to my removeable hard drive, but if it
does, that will be a MASSIVE plus, and I've got a few Gigs of movies on
that. So instead of burning all my videos that I have *ahem* acquired
through "legal" means to DVDs, I can just watch them STRAIGHT awat. And
for £40, this is a BARGAIN !! May have to spend another £70 for a 1GB
Memory stick, but if I can watch my movies on my widescreen flatscreen
TV instead of my dinky 15 inch monitor, it will be worth it !!




The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction

It hasn't gotten the best reviews in the world, but every single gaming
podcast I've listened to, and one or two other people who've played it
have said this is the best thing to come out on the Xbox this year.
Considering that Grand Theft Auto San Andreas came out this year, this
is no mean feat. It only just came out in the UK today, and it's
already sold out on www.play.com !!!



Pro Evolution Soccer 5

This is the next installment in what is simply the best soccer game out
there. I've been playing FIFA Football since 1993, and I've loved them,
but last year marked my transition to Pro Evo. And I've not looked
back, FIFA 06 will be the first FIFA game I won't buy since 1994 !!



Burnout Revenge

I'm not into driving games, but I played the demo of this game, and
it's BRILLIANT !! Easy to play, and most especially IT'S FUN !!

But sadly, with the wedding coming up, I can't afford all of this.
Maybe just one game. And I can't ask for any of this for a wedding
present, as it won't be fair on the missus.

Although, come to think of it, she won't mind the DVD Player.......mmmmmmmmmm

7.9.05

Today…….

I've finally printed out the wedding invites. Let's hope the missus gives her seal of approval. Thanks to
AMILLIONPIECES for helping out with the design this afternoon, and Sez for her very kind offer to help out, you guys are the best !! Thanks so much.

England lost their match tonight, and I was happy. TOO HAPPY. Sadly, if they win their last 2 matches, they'll still qualify. Nigeria may not go to the world cup, we need Angola to lose one of of their last matches to do that, and it's looking unlikely. A World Cup without Nigeria? Not since 1990 !!

Age Question

A college professor asked his class a question.

"If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?"

One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when Called upon said, "Professor you're 44.."

The Professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"

The student said, "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's only half crazy."

3 strikes

1. Got home to find a letter from BT. Apparently, my teenage cousins who have been staying at my house have been calling Nigeria, 49 times to be exact to the tune of £100. Where in God's name am I supposed to find that kind of money? They are currently in Manchester with my other cousins, so I called them and gave them a piece of my mind. It's not enough that their VERY RUDE girlfriends call my house at 1am, but now,they have to hit me in the pocket as well........<br>
<br>
2. While I was still coming to terms with the massive phone bill, I realised that my not-so-bright landlord had left the back door WIDE OPEN when he came in to fix the leaking toilet cistern for the 2nd time. Not just that, they had used my food bowl to clean out the toilet, so it's now stained with blue loo water. Not just that, but they left the entire bathroom in a right mess, took almost half an hour to clean it all up. So after screaming at my cousins, I gave him a call and SCREAMED at him for a while. <br>
<br>
3. Woke up this morning only to find that the toilet was still leaking. Nice puddle of water to greet me first thing this morning..............<br>
<br>
I'm gonna starngle someone. Today. Be warned.

Don’t mess with a Nigerian

A Nigerian and an American man are sitting next to each other on a long flight from London to New York. The American man leans over to the Nigerian and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Nigerian just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The American man persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun.<br>
<br>
He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."<br>
<br>
Again, the Nigerian politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The American man, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!" This catches the Nigerian's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.<br>
<br>
The American asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Nigerian doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the American.<br>
<br>
Now, it's the Nigerian's turn. He asks the American "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"<br>
<br>
The American looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers - all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the Nigerian and hands him $100.<br>
<br>
The Nigerian politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.<br>
<br>
The American, more than a little miffed, shakes the Nigerian and asks "Well, so what's the answer?"<br>
<br>
Without a word, the Nigerian reaches into his wallet, hands the American $5, and turns away to get back to sleep. <br>

5.9.05

Simple Solutions

A woman came to the psychiatrist worried. "Doctor," she said, "I can't sleep at night. When I'm in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won't hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?"

"Easy," said the doctor. "Just take the carpet off the floor."

Wedding Invite

Must go out this week.....

However, I'm kinda stuck.

I'm using Microsoft Publisher to do design it, but it looks like I need to use something professional like photoshop. But I don't know the first thing about Photoshop.

HELP.

4.9.05

Some French kid

...on Xbox live really got under my skin today.

It wasn't the fact that he beat me 6-1.

It wasn't the fact that I was called a 'bitch' with every goal he scored.

It wasn't the fact that he swore every 3 seconds.

It was when he asked me "do you like the bombs?"

"Did you like what the bombers did"

(Referring to the attacks on London in July).

Digusting behaviour, even for an 18 year old.

2.9.05

Why??

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? hehehe......

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? OOpps...

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why is it called building when it is already built?

If a book about failures sells, is it a success?

If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???

1.9.05

Thou shalt not:

Do/plan anything of consequence in August, for example, plan a wedding. Everyone is on holiday. Very, very frustrating.

This month is going to be very very busy at work, as we have several major projects that must be cmopleted before the manager goes on holiday at the end of the month. I will try VERY HARD to blog, as the wedding is next month, and I'm hoping I don't get carried away with all the activity.

Been looking at pics of the New orleans hurricane, it's MAD.................



Anyways, on a lighter note, here's something for all of us who love to hate Chelsea

(Got that from Chiccy's, it's kept me up all night laughing ! )

Pickup Backfire

Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son's room, a mother finally laid down the law: each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents.

By the end of the week, he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50- cent tip and a note that read,

"Thanks, Mom; keep up the good work!"

28.8.05

Lost fingers

Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.

The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."

Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."

The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2005. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"

Jon says, "Well, sh*t, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."

Tonight, I’m gonna…..

soak in the bath for a long, long time. Then I'll see 'Coach Carter', a movie cinemas in London didn't show because they thought it was 'too black'. Then I'll get on Xbox live, and lose to everyone I play with. i don't care tho.I've had a long week,
and today was pretty tiring.

Church was great, we had Joyce Meyer today and she was AWESOME. I sang in two services with the choir, so I am pretty knackered.

Tomorrow is a bank holiday !! I'm thinking about going to the Notting Hill Carnival, but I might decide to rest instead. It's a great place to hook up with other Nigerians, and you always get to meet people you haven't seen in years. but I've got one really heavy month ahead at work, so I need to rest as much as I can.........

24.8.05

Google in Yoruba

I was pretty surprised when I saw this.

This page is google in my local language, Yoruba.

Neat.

23.8.05

Meeting Bill Gates

I was in the airport VIP lounge in route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."

"Yes?"

"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Ray,'?"

"Sure."

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.

"Hi, Ray," he said.

I replied, "Get lost Bill, I'm in a meeting."

That’s twice now…

That I've almost burnt my house down.

Last night, I left oil in a frying pan, with the flame fully lit as I did the dishes, and I think I even watched a bit of TV. It was only when I was preparing to go to bed, that I turned out the lights and saw that I'd been heating the oil for at least 2 hours !!!

This morning, I left my George Foreman grill running, and went to work !! I thought I'd forgotten to turn it off on my way to work, but I was already running late. Got home at 7pm (11 hours later), and lo and behold, there is was, heating away.

So that's a spike on both my gas bill and electric.....

21.8.05

Blonde convention

Eighty-thousand blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention."


The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world blondes are not stupid.  May I have a volunteer?"


A young blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.


The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"


After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"


Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.


Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance!  Give her another chance!"


The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting
80,000 of you in one place and we have the worlwide press and global
broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."


So she asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"


After nearly 30 seconds the girl eventually says, "Ninety?"


The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected
sigh-everyone is disheartened the blonde starts crying and the 80,000
blondes begin to yell and wave their hands shout: "GIVE HER ANOTHER
CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"


The leader, unsure whether or not she is doing more harm than good,
eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance." Then the young blonde
is asked: "What is 2 plus 2?"


The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"


Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 blondes
jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream, "GIVE
HER ANOTHER CHANCE!  GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

19.8.05

This week I’ve………..

*not played my Xbox.
*not shaved
*not cooked a meal (bought all my food)
*not slept more than 4 hours a night
*not seen my wonderful fiancee
*not watched much TV (I had to see Lost on Wednesday)

So basically, I'm a wreck. And I've been sleepng all day to recover from a very stressful week.

But it's all been worth it.

Passed all my exams.

So I can now add four (more) letters after my name.

MCSE (Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

17.8.05

Busy, busy, busy

That's what I've been.

Work has been mad......too much work, too little time. To top it all off, I'm doing training/exams this week (again), so I'm studying like a mad man. I wasn't going to take the exams this week, but my instructor spoke to me yesterday, and said he felt I should, and I'm really glad he did, as I passed today's exam !! I'm not so sure about the 2 on Friday, but we'll see how that goes.

So before I get back to studying, let me tell you 3 news stories that have caught my eye this week.

1. S Korean dies after games session

Gosh. This guy is my age and all. He played a video game for 50 hours, with very few breaks, AT AN INTERNET CAFE. Talk about obsession. Apparently, online games are big over there. The guy hadn't eaten or slept. So to all my friends who are thinking 'that could be you', don't worry, I'd never go that far !!

2. Man in nappy is hunted by police

Apparently, he's been approaching women in Teeside and asking: "Are there any baby changing facilities in the area?"

And finally

3. Knickers thief banned from Scilly

A builder who stole knickers and sex toys from women on the Isles of Scilly has been banned from visiting the islands for seven years. He stole the 'items' off washing lines apparently.

9.8.05

Don’t let her seduce you……….





A girl playing an Xbox? Was that all it took to rope me in?

UK Online's ads on the tube and everywhere else never caught my attention, until a mate at work mentioned them, and all of a sudden, my eyes opened up to the possibility of an 8MB connection at home. I signed up, and apart from a minor hiccup in the begginning, they were OK.

When moving house, they made me pay £75 for the privilege of mving my service from the old house to the new one. (When I signed up, I told them I would be moving soon, so I knew about the charge). One would think that for this amount of money, they would return the favour with a reasonable degree of service.

I'm been internetless for about a month now. That's right. I've been on the phone to UK Online at least 10 times, and each time, you're placed on hold for about 20 minutes on average, before you get to speak to an actual person. I've been lied to, shouted at, and had several promises broken.

OK, I'll give them credit for one thing, I've been refunded my charges for the last 2 months. But then again, I've not been using the service for about half of that, so making me pay for it in the first place is a crime in itself.

Before I stop whinging, I have to tell you the worst mistake they made.

On the day my service was first 'activated', I got home and there was nothing. I called their tech suppport line. The problem? Well, they'd only gone and re-activated the service at my old house. Now, if I'm moving house, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that I'll be changing my address. Or does it? Is it too much to ask for these peopleto actually think? The first thing they did when I paid the £75 was to take my new address and phone number. So was that just to make sure they had their billing address for my credit card up to date?

I'm fuming, and it's going to take a while for me to calm down.

8.8.05

Goodbye world.

UKOnline promised to sort out my internet today, sometime between 9 and 5.30pm. It's 4pm, and still nothing. I've been checking my email every 5 minutes to see when they've done it. It's driving me mad.

If you see anyone jumping off London Bridge in the next 2 hours, that'll be me then.

7.8.05

Hopefully…..

My broadband should be up and running (finally) when I get back from work tomorrow.


Fingers(and toes) crossed.

4.8.05

Scared…………..

OK, I have to admit, today was like the most scared I've ever been on the tube. Cops everywhere, and when my train got held up at Bethnal Green station, I began to fear the worst. We were held there for a few minutes, and then again in the tunnel, just before Liverpool Street. I was the most relieved person in the world, when I stepped off the train
and got to work 10 minutes lates thanks to the delays.

Anyway, fingers crossed, I'm going to get broadband at home sorted on Monday. It's been off for 3 weeks, I can't believe I survived that long.

Against my better jugdement, I bought a new game last night. Will blog about that later today, if I can find the time.

1.8.05

Bought my wedding suit

A little over eager, aren't I?

Well, the missus and I walked into a store, and the perfect suit was staring at us. Tailor made to fit for a fellow 'big man' like myself, the owner couldn't pick it up, and it was going at half price. So there you go, it's all in the wardrobe now, and I'm just about ready to go !!

I hate not having broadband at home. It's so frustrating, and I'm finding it really difficult keeping up with everyone's blogs, as I'm a bit busy with work at the moment.

In other news, NATWEST bank has decided to pay me £50 after my strongly worded complaint

29.7.05

92 days, 7 hours 15 minutes and 14 seconds…..

till my wedding.........................

I hate UKOnline even more

My broadband won't be up for another 10 days or so.


They are refunding me for last month, and maybe even for this month.


I'm just fed up.

27.7.05

UK Online is….

the most useless company in the world. And that is official.

When I signed up for their 8MB internet service, it was the fatest thing out there. Calling the 0800 number, I spoke to an 'advisor' in less than 2 minutes, who told me how to migrate from my current supplier to them, and it all went smoothly. Then they double charged me one month (I never got the money back).

When I was signing up, I mentioned that I might be moving house during the initial 12 month contract. "No problem" they said. "It's a straightforward process". It's been anything but !!

First of all, I needed them to cease the service on my old phone line, so BT could transfer the account. It took them 3 weeks to do this, after several phone calls to customer service, and being placed on hold for an average of 20 minutes at a time. Throughout the entire process, they never contacted me to say how things were going, I had to call them each time, go on hold FOREVER, and then find out what was going on.

I've been in the new house a week, and no broadband. I called them yesterday, and was told that even though they had all the necessary details, no one had bothered to provision the service on the new phone. I called again today, and it's just the same, and no one can tell me what is going on, all I got was that I will be told something when they find out.

If they dare bill me next week for next month....If they dare..............

24.7.05

So

I've finally moved flat. However, no internet for another 10 days or so, which is a bit of a bummer.

Still. I'm living out of several boxes for the next few weeks.

Bliss.

Sorry for not catching up on all you blogs recently, as I've not checked my mail since Thursday. And who is this person who's bombarding my blog with SPAM?

17.7.05

Shhh!! Don’t tell anyone, but…

just found that I can access someone's wireless internet. Mine was cut
off on Friday, but this person hasn't secured their wireless
network....so I'm in !!


FREE INTERNET !!!


Now, for a few hits of that 'ghetto gospel'.....

15.7.05

Word play

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters (With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands!

14.7.05

So where do I start?

1. Woke up a bit late. As a result, I couldn't make breakfast, and left the house without food.
2. Missed the 7.54 train to Dorking by one minute. Even less. I actually watched the train pull away from the station
3. Got to Dorking 10 minutes late.
4. Free ride to London, so I thought my luck had changed. We got to London at 11.45am. Looking for a car park space, we got stuck in traffic at Algate where people had congregated to pay their respects during the two minutes silence. Got to the office at exactly 1.30pm. (Over an hour looking to park)
5. One hour meeting. Hungry as a lion afterwards.
6. Decided to go to the bank to withdraw my deposit for my new flat. The bank staff thought I had a lot of 'suspicious' activity on my account, so I had a good grilling. Invovling a police officer. At the end of which, I had spent my entire lunch break(I was there for well over 45 minutes, explaining where I got all my money from), so guess what? No lunch. Remember I said no breakfast?
7. Had to go to the bank again to get my money. Finally got it, after waiting for another 30 minutes.
8. Picked up the key to my new flat. My girlfriend was late, so she couldn't sign the tenancy, so I have to go back there on Saturday.
9. No gas in the new flat.
10. No phone line in the new flat either, so I have to pay BT £70+VAT to install one.

Should I continue?

11. My broadband gets disconnected tomorrow.

13.7.05

Excuse me?

Is it just me, or has Amazon become the most useless online retailer ever?

Their delivery times are so messed up, sometimes, it's not really worth the bother !!

For example, I ordered a DVD player on Monday night. It said (and still says) 'Usually dispatched within 24 hours'.

Well, it's Wednesday, and not only is it not yet dispatched, but the estimated delivery date is 19th-21st of July !! From the 11th? 8 whole days?

Someone should tell them what 24 hours really means......

12.7.05

Don’t shout at me…..!!

On the phone to UK Online customer service.......

Boso: "I've been trying to get you guys to do this for the last 2 weeks, it's been so frustrating, so......"

Customer Service: "Don't shout at me!! I'm trying to help you, please do not be angry at me!!"

Boso: "Can I finish what I'm saying?"

Customer Service: "No, I get the gist"

And she went on to be as unhelpful as the previous people I spoke to. However, this was on Friday evening, and first thing Monday morning, she called to say that my broadband will be disconnected on Friday. So I guess she was helpful after all.

The egg loan is up and running, and I've abandoned the NATWEST one. I wrote a strongly worded letter of complaint today, and sent it off. Just realised that I forgot to put my address on the letter (Doh!), but I did put my account number and sort code, so hopefully, they'll be able to respond to me using that.

Apart from that, all is going well, pick up the keys to my flat on Thursday, and the long process of moving in begins !!

7.7.05

Why the terrorists will fail…….

I don't usually agree with him, but Ken Livingstone's words while he was in Singapore have been ringing in my head all day.

"I want to say one thing, specifically to the world today — this was not a terrorist attack against the mighty and the powerful."

"It was not aimed at presidents or prime ministers," the former Trotskyist said. "It was aimed at ordinary, working-class Londoners, black and white, Muslim and Christian ... young and old that isn't an ideology, it isn't even a perverted fate, it is an indiscriminate attempt at mass murder."

"They seek to divide London, they seek Londoners to turn against each other ... this city of London is the greatest in the world because everybody lives side by side in harmony. Londoners will not be divided by this cowardly attack."


"I know that you personally do not fear to give your own life in exchange to taking others ... but I know you do fear you may fail in your long-term objective to destroy our free society ... in the days that follow, look at our airports, look at our seaports and look at our railway stations ... you will see that people from the rest of Britain, people from around the world, will arrive in London to become Londoners, to fulfill their dream and achieve their potential, whatever you do, however many you kill, you will fail."

Why?

Why do human beings do this to themselves?

It's been one crazy day.

Today, I got to work early enough to pick up breakfast at a sandwich shop next door. I was still going through my 'to-do' list when someone walked in with the news that there was an explosion at Liverpool Street Station, less than 10 minutes walk from us. Some of our staff come in from there, so we immediately started trying to contact them. We later found that there were more explosions on the tubes, and the entire network had been shut down. Outside our office, there was a constant blare of sirens, helicopters, and from the windows, we saw police cars, ambulances and news crews speeding along to Liverpool Street. We were told not to leave the building. The mobile phone network was overloaded, and you couldn't get a signal.......

Until then, we thought it was all caused by power surges on the tube, but when we heard that a bus had blown up, it slowly began to dawn on us that we were smack in the middle of a terrorist attack. Senior management decided to close the office by 1pm, and we started to plan towards closing the office till Monday, as a test of our Disaster Recovery plan.

Leaving the office, it was like a scene from 'War of the Worlds', crowds of people in shock, walking, trying to get out, to safety, to their loved ones. A group of us walked from the city to Hackney (which took a while, about 2 hours), before we got a cab. A lot of cab drivers wanted to make the most of the situation and told us they would charge triple fares (which made me sick). We found a chap ready to charge regular fares, and got on our way.

Only when I got home did I realise how tired I was from the long walk and the mental strain of it all. Watching it on TV, I'm digusted at these people who think killing innocent people can make a point. As helpless as I feel, I want to prove to them that their tactics were futile, and as soon as possible, life will return to normal. They may have won today's battle, but they will NEVER will the war.

NEVER.

Chaos in the city

Sky News : Explosion At Liverpool Street Station

6.7.05

Blessed is he who expects nothing….

for he shall never be dissapointed.

1. I still have not received the paperwork from NATWEST.
2. UK Online has still not told me when they'll cut off my broadband, and hence, I do not know when I will be able to move the phone line to the new flat.
3. I'm not happy.

Going round in circles…….

BBC SPORT | Football | My Club | Liverpool | Gerrard set to stay at Liverpool

I can't wait to hear what he has to say.....

5.7.05

It’s official

BBC SPORT | Football | My Club | Liverpool | I want to leave Anfield - Gerrard


And so departs Liverpool FC's captain.


All I ask is that he packs off his bags to Madrid. Please, please, PLEASE don't go to Chelsea.


That will make me sick.

4.7.05

You couldn’t make it up….

I've spent a lot of the last week or so 'on hold' while calling all sorts of call centres, trying to cancel contracts, change my address on various agreements, etc.

1. Anyway, UK online broadband may claim they have '24 hour technical support', but they didn't mention
that you'll be on hold for about 30 minutes. Anyway, trying to move the broadband to the new house has been hell, I've called twice, and been on hold for about a total of one hour. And lo and behold, both times, I spoke to exactly the same person. She even recognised my voice, which is scary !! Anyway, they are still 'processing' the 'cease order' and
will get back to me before the end of the week. Sadly, I can't move the BT line till the broadband service is stopped, so it's a bit of a vicious circle of frustration. Word of advice, UK Online may offer a super fast 8MB service, but I was happier with the customer service I was getting at my previous provider, Metronet.2. My number two gripe has been with NATWEST. I applied for a small loan to pay for my  wedding about a week ago. (25th of July) After the gruelling from the loan officer (which lasted over an hour) in order to make sure I could afford it, I was told "you'll receive some paperwork to sign, and once you return it, you'll have the money in your account in less than 24 hours.". Well, a week and a bit after, I still haven't received the said paperwork, and hence no money. This has put my plans to move flat into a state of near chaos. I've rung them 4 times, and each time the same response, "It will arrive soon, just be patient". I had a very good loan offer from GE capital bank, which promised a cheque the next day, but I wanted to be loyal to my bank. Stupid me.

So that's my life at the moment. So much to do, so little time.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

BBC SPORT | Football | My Club | Liverpool | Doubts raised over Gerrard future


What the hell is going on here?

1.7.05

Oh dear

I'm gonna lose my broadband connection for about 3 weeks while I move house, and set up a brand new phone line at my new place. I put in an order to transfer my broadband today, and once it stops working, I can kill the phone line too.

How will I survive without :

1. Checking my email every 15 minutes?
2. Playing Xbox Live?
3. Using MSN messenger to pass time on slow days?
4. and the worst : BLOGGING ?

3 weeks?

I've decided that when I move, I'm not gonna unpack the Xbox till after I complete my exams. Which may be all the way in September. Then it will be about 1 month or so till the wedding. And I wonder if I'll be 'allowed' to unpack it then.

Wish me luck.

30.6.05

Behold….my knees…..

It's been happening all day on 20six. Unfortunately, I couldn't join in, as undressing in the office is frowned  upon (as it should be). Anyway, here are my knees:



and as a bonus....here is my hand.

I’m doomed…..

It's official.


I'm broke.


It's not even July yet !!

29.6.05

And the winner is…..

Paid the deposit on the flat today. It's not bad, 2 bedroom, less than 10 minute walk to the station and really, really nice.

And so it begins.

It's gonna cost a small fortune to move in and sort out stuff like TV aerial, telephone, broadband, etc. And not to forget, there's a small matter of a wedding to pay for........

River Crossing

One day, Joe, Bob and Dave were hiking in a wilderness area when they came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

Joe prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, although he almost drowned a couple of times.

Seeing this, Dave prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

Bob had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools, and the intelligence, to cross this river."

Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

28.6.05

I think I’m in love……

with the flat I saw tonight. (I said that yesterday, didn't I?)

Tonight was a lovely two bed flat, near the station, and really clean, neat, etc. All the essentials. A little bit above our budget, but manageable all the same.

however, I've been brought down to earth. It seems my 'approved' bank loan cash may not come through for a few more weeks. And the tax refund I was expecting is not yet here as well. so I don't have the cash to put down for the flat. This is not good. I can't let this flat go !!!

One more flat to see tomorrow. Yesterday, I thought I had my mind all made up. Today, I think it will be impossible to match the flat I saw tonight.

The flat we're looking at tomorrow is supposed to be brand new......'no one has ever lived in it before' she said. So all new appliances and furniture, will that sway me yet again? However, it's a one bed studio, today's was a two bed apartment.

Can't wait for tomorrow now.

27.6.05

And they call us fools.

A Black Man  walks into a prestigious private bank in Mayfair and asks for a loan fromthe  loan officer who politely tries to direct him to a more commercial establishment.

The Black Man  says he's going to Jamaica on business for two weeks and to borrow  £5,000.

The loan officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the Black Man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. He has all the papers including the titleand everything checked out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

An employee of  the bank thenproceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. The news quickly spreads throughout the bank and over lunch, the bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the dumb "Nigger's" expense for using a £250,000 Rolls as collateral against a £5,000 loan.

Two weeks  later, the Black Man returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to  £20.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little  puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles  us is, why would you bother to borrow£5,000?"

The Black Man  smiled and then replied; "Where else in Central London can I park my car for two weeks for only £20.41 and expect it to be there when I return?".

Where do I begin?

Been a bit busy, so haven't time to blog.

This is a quick update:

* Note to self: Planning a wedding, moving flat, and studying for exams is a lot to take on at the same time. Add a few major projects at work, and you might just find that you've not got any spare time whatsoever.

*My work colleague is on compassionate leave for a while. So I'm a bit busier than usual in the office.

*Flat hunt is going OK. The one we saw tonight looks like a real winner, the landlord is a pain in the bum, but hey, you can't win 'em all, can you? I told my current landlord I'm moving out today, he didn't seem too happy.....but who cares?

*I'm so tired.

*Two more flats to look at (at least!) this week. Should make a final decision by the end of this week.

*I'm getting married to my best friend, hopefully in 123 days, 2 hours 17 minutes and 13 seconds. Well not exactly, but sometime around then ;)

24.6.05

When it rains it pours…

Impending Nuptials:

It seems I'll have to move house sooner than I planned. To book a date for the wedding, I need to know where I'll be living by then, which I don't. We're contemplating doing it in a church, but I need to figure out which parish I'll be living in. Even if we want to do it in a registry, I'll need to know which borough. So flat hunting has moved very quickly to the top of my priority list. Also, I may need to take out a small loan to pay for moving flat, and some of the expenses of the wedding. I'm hoping I don't have to borrow more than £3k.................because I'm not planning to be heavily indebt  AT ALL. I'm expecting a cheque from Inland Revenue, and also might be getting a bonus payment next month, that should offset any
loan significantly.

Morning Commute:

What's your worst possible scenario? How about being stuck in a tunnel, just before Liverpool Street station, for 20 MINUTES. Not pleasant. In an overcrowded, and VERY HOT carriage, things can get very messy (and smelly!). People start picking fights....hissing, let's just say I'm glad it didn't go on for much longer !! And I still made it to work on time, albeit, the walk from Liverpool Street helped clear my head......I never thought I could feel so claustrophobic !!

21.6.05

And the girl said yes…….

Yeah, she said 'yes'.

Although she said 'no' first just to wind me up, but the final answer was a 'yes'.

If I have to tell the story of how I proposed one more time, I'm gonna burst into a ball of flames!! I've told the story at least 500 times since Friday night. It's funny how only girls want to hear that, guys aren't very concerned.

Anyway, we find ourselves planning an October wedding in London, and one sometime next year in Nigeria. We were hoping for a small ceremony here, but the more phone calls I make, the more I realise that it may not be possible !!

After publicly saying that as a Christian, I don't believe in sex before marriage, some of my colleagues/friends have started 'the countdown to the explosion of Boso'. I have no idea what explodes, or how.... ;)

I also have to start hunting for a flat. We went to look at one last night, but decided that maybe I couldn't afford it right now, and we should wait for a few more months, so I can save a little, and move into the flat just before the wedding. Had a bit of a shock yesterday with a racist landlord.....but don't get me started on that.

The next few months are going to be hectic, stressful and exciting(AND EXPENSIVE), but you know what?

She's worth it.

18.6.05

I feell all grown up now……..

Might have something to do with the fact that I proposed to my girlfriend last night, and WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.

Not that I planned it that way....

I planned to take her to the beach today, get down on one knee and ask her to marry me, but fate had a much better idea.

First of all, I had to buy the ring. I've been doing research on rings for almost 3 weeks now, and I had all but made my mind up. Unfortunately, no one stocked rings in her size (more on that later), so I went into a jewellry store, found a ring I liked.....and picked it up. It was a size too small, but the deal was that I should go ahead and use it to propose, and bring it back to have it resized (and her finger measured).

Friday night is our 'movie night' and this Friday, we were going to see the brilliant 'Batman Begins'. She was running a little late, which gave me enough time to pick the 'perfect' ring. We had planned to go for dinner in Nando's afterwards, so I thought, was Nando's a good enough place to propose? Or should I just wait for the 'beach moment'...

Well, after the movie, we went off to North Greenwich, and the queue at Nando's went out the door, and almost onto the road, we weren't in the mood for Pizza, so it was over to a nice little Chinese resturant nearby. So there we were, candle lit dinner for two.....lovely atmosphere, and a ring in my bag. So I figured, why waste this wonderful atmosphere?

I didn't get down on one knee......don't ask me why !! She has this ring she wears, so I took it off her finger, and told her I didn't want her to wear it anymore. She asked 'Why?', and I said 'Because I've got another one for you'. As she opened up the box, saw the ring, and looked over at me, I mouthed the words 'Will you marry me?'

to be continued..........................

17.6.05

Should I……

a. try and be spontaneous, and 'just do it'?

b. go ahead with my carefully laid out plans?

16.6.05

The difference between men and women

Woman 1: Did you get a new haircut?

Woman 2: Yes, I did. Thanks for noticing.

W1: Oh! That's so cute!

W2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure after my hairdresser gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

W1: Oh no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

W2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

W1: Oh, that's funny! I would love to have your neck!

W2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

MEANWHILE....

Man 1: Haircut?

Man 2: Yeah.

Wedding Cake Verse

A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding cake with "1 John 4:18" which reads "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."

The bakery evidently lost, smudged or otherwise misread the noted reference, and beautifully inscribed on the cake "John 4:18" ...

"for you have had five husbands, and the man you have now is not your husband."

Lunch

Just had my lunch.


Someone in the staff room was eating a 'No Bread sandwich' from Pret.


Why they didn't bother to call it a salad, I'll never know.


It's shorter to type/print, and makes more sense !!

14.6.05

Can we talk?

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

13.6.05

you’re having a laugh !!!!

  BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Music | Michael Jackson cleared of abuse

I don't believe this !!

Tomorrow morning

I have to be at work for 8am.


Which means I have to get up at 6am.


I haven't done that since January 2004.


Wish me luck.

New UK Work Initiative

I love the city of Liverpool with all my heart, but this was a good laugh.

The Ferrari formula 1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the UK initiative from the Government.The decision to hire them followed a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from the Liverpool area were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of euros worth of high tech equipment.

Prime Minister Tony Blair went on record as saying this was a bold move by the Ferrari management which demonstrated the international recognition of the UK under New Labour.

As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari thought they had the advantage over every team. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for.

At the first practice session, the Liverpool pit crew successfully changed the tyres in less than 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged, and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team for 8 bottles of Stella, a kilo of speed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower.

The runaway bride (see previous post)

has called a friend to let everyone know she's safe and well.


But no one has actually seen her.

11.6.05

Oh dear

Today was a friend's wedding day.

She decided not to show up.

No one knows where she is.

Oh dear.

Interesting….

Had a big fight with one of my housemates on Monday.

He just apologised to me.

Apparently, 'It was my fault he got angry' because 'I was so cool and I didn't retaliate'.

I'm in shock.

Manchester united’s new logo

What with all the red being used on Man Utd's bank balance, there wasn't enough for the logo.
Hence they had to get a new kit, new merchandise..... ah, now it makes sense



10.6.05

Dumb criminals vs. Wiseass judge

Dumb Criminal 1

Drug possession defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed
it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.

Dumb Criminal 2

Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license,  they entered it into the computer,and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

Wiseass

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture... of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.

WiseAss Judge

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," thejudge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

So that’s how it’s done !!

My new work start time meant I managed to get a non-crowded train into work. Which meant I got to sit down. And I was also able to observe a very interesting sequence of events.

Three characters in this. One TALL, MUSCULAR guy. 2 girls.

All four of us got on at Leyton. Girls chatted all the way to the next stop Startford. One of them gets out.

Muscular guy smiles at other girl.

Girl smiles back.

Musuclar guy goes to sit next to girl.

Introduces himself and gets a handshake and more giggles.

They get chatting.

By Mile End, he's brought out his FLASH mobile, really nice looking phone, hands it to her, and she enters her number into it.

He continues to make her laugh, giggle and smile from ear to ear.

I got off at Bank.

From what I overheard, she was going to Bond street, he was going to Oxford Street.

Love on the tube, who would have thought ?

9.6.05

New shifts

I'm gonna be working shifts now.

Well, it's not too bad, on some days, I'll start at 8am, finish at 4.30pm....and others start at 9.30am finish at 6pm. Just worked out which shifts I'll be doing for the next few weeks, a bit complicated, but it'll work.

30 extra minutes sleep tomorrow, nice......

Patrick Robinson - You’ll never walk alone

This is from the Official Liverpool Website:

"Liverpool Football Club are saddened to learn of the death of a fanatical supporter from Ireland who tragically passed away in the aftermath of the Reds' Champions League victory in Istanbul.

20 year old Patrick Robinson from Carlow is thought to have suffered a massive heart attack in the seconds following Jerzy Dudek's decisive penalty save from Andriy Shevchenko in the Ataturk Stadium.

Patrick was watching the game in a local pub and jumped for joy when his beloved Reds completed their tremendous comeback to win the dramatic penalty shoot-out.

But, tragically, he died soon after, just weeks before his 21st birthday.

His uncle, Michael Owens, wrote to Liverpoolfc.tv and said: "Patrick lived for Liverpool FC. He didn't get to see his favourite player Steven Gerrard lift the European Cup because he was sadly no longer of this world, but he saw the penalty shoot out and I know he died a happy and proud young man.

"Myself and my family would like to thank Steven Gerrard and everyone connected with LFC in the past and present for giving Patrick so many great memories."

Patrick's mother Denise said: "He was a beautiful child. He was really happy and he was so popular. He was very lively and he loved sport.

"He was fanatical about Liverpool and he has been since he was four years of age. He never missed a kit and every year he bought the home and away kits."

Everybody at Liverpool Football Club would like to extend their deepest sympathies to all the family and friends of Patrick at this extremely difficult time."

It’s not good….

Today is not going well.

Came to set up a home office for one of our staff.

Forgot some stuff in the office, and it was a 20 minute drive to the nearest electronics store before I could buy it (at four times the normal price) !

Now, the CD with all the software I need isn't working.

Bugger.

7.6.05

Double Darn

My dentist's appointment went like thus:

"Your teeth are in excellent condition, no need for fillings, in fact they are surprisingly white, so no need for polishing either."

"However, you have advanced gum disease. In fact, it has begun to damage the bones in your mouth. You will need at least four appointments with the oral hygienist. You mouth will be numbed so that your gums can be properly cleaned, and you will be taught how to keep
them clean."

"You're not doing anything wrong, as your teeth are immaculately clean, but you will need to get your gums sorted as soon as possible"

"Each appointment will cost you £40, but I assure you, it is worth it, because if left untreated, your teeth will start to fall out."

£160 I didn't plan to spend.

First appointment is June 23rd. I'm told I'll be driblling saliava and not be able to speak for a few hours afterwards.

Great.

Darn

I forgot my mobile phone at home today.

6.6.05

My wonderful niece…….

is a month old today.

The train approaching platform 3 is the……

I've been told never to use National rail on a Sunday unless I have to. Well, I learnt why yesterday.

First of all, the journey to Glouscester was meant to be a direct train. It said so when I bought the ticket. It said so on the ticket. But when I got to Paddington, there was no train to Glouscester at 08:35, only one to Swindon. So when I went to ask, I was told, that was my train, and that I should change at Swindon. Fortunately, the change was smooth, last time I used this same train, I had to wait for 2 hours for the connecting train at Swindon.

The journey back however, was a bit more eventful. Fortunately, there was a direct train. However, we had to wait just outside Reading for about 30 minutes due to 'congestion on the platforms' which was apparently due to 'an earlier trackside problem'. A whole heap of people got on the train at Reading. As the train sped past Slough, a mini riot ensued on the train. Apparently, the Reading people were told the train was going to Slough. So they weren't very happy. The train they were meant to get on was behind us by 10 minutes. It was fun to watch the train manager try to settle them down.........

Got to London about an hour late. Got home around midnight. So it was a good thing I took today off.......

The ‘h’air up there

First of two quick posts.

Got to the gym on Friday, only to discover that I'd left my 'gym shirt' at the office. I quickly decided to use the sleeveless vest I was wearing under my shirt to work out. Only halfway through my workout did I discover that I had not shaved my armpits for YEARS. And it was
rather bushy down there.

So it was a bit embarassing when a group of people being given a tour of the gym stopped by me when I was lifting weights, to see how the personalized gym program worked. I watched their faces squirm as I lifted my arms to show off my wonderfully groomed armpits........

Anyways, I've dealt with it now.....and shaved it all off. Just in case.

5.6.05

Ignored phone

The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang.

"You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably.

"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you!"

4.6.05

Sin City

...is the most violent movie I have ever seen.

Bucketloads of blood.

Everywhere.

So much blood.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I liked it or not. I'm definately not going to see it again. I couldn't take it.

And classic Tarantino, the storyline all comes together at the end. But blood, blood and more blood. That's all.

3.6.05

Weekend plans….

Friday: Going to see Sin City. Hope it's a good movie.

Saturday: Got to do A LOT of ironing. And washing. clean up my room. I'm going to experiment with online shopping. As ASDA do not currently deliver to my address, I'm going to place an order with Tesco and get it delivered on Monday.I'm trying to get Monday off, if I succeed, then I'll order for delivery Monday afternoon, otherwise, it will have to be Monday night.

Sunday: I'm off to Glouscester to see my baby niece !! It's an all day trip, should be back in London around midnight.Hopefully, they'll be pics when I get back.

Hoping to get Monday off. Tuesday morning, I have an appointment with the dentist.

2.6.05

Now listen boys and girls

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes - whatever you wish for, your husband will receive tenfold!" The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So,

KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So,

KAZAM - she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women think they're really smart.

So let them continue to think that way, just sit back enjoy the show.

PS: And if you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to
show that women never listen!!!

What the?

I got my sleep mask today. However, I was a bit concerned when the packaging labelled it as a 'LOVER EYE MASK', had pictures of babes in S&M stuff on it, and was labelled as an 'Adult fun item'.

Good thing I changed the delivery address from the office, cos they open all our mail unless it's marked 'private and confidential'. I would have become a laughing stock.

1.6.05

Thierry Henry

There is something remarkable about this young French man. There are only two things I like about Arsenal:

1. The gorgeous Chiccy is a massive fan.
2. Thierry Henry is one of the most gifted footballers on the planet.

While I'm not a massive Arsenal fan, I love Thierry Henry's passion,it's so evident to see when he plays. The way he celebrates his goals, or goals from his team mates for that matter, shows that he's playing the game because he loves it. While his massive salary might 'help', I think his love of the game is the reason why he does what he does. There are few players like Henry in the world, Jamie Carragher is beginning to show this type of passion now that he's being played in central defence.

Anyway......today, Henry has made comments about Liverpool's Champions' League victory, and unlike his viciously bitter teammate Ashley Cole, he's full of praise for the men in Red.

On the Liverpool website, he praises the team, and even says he wants Liverpool to challenge for the title !!

"I really want Liverpool up there at the top," he said. "It will make it much more exciting. I hope they can catch up with us, Chelsea and Manchester United. A four way championship fight would be special.

"And you have to give credit to Liverpool. People say the English league is easy. These supporters point to the fact that English teams rarely do well in the Champions League - even though we have four teams enter every year."

"Well Liverpool, despite finishing fifth, have proved by winning the Champions League that the English league is indeed very strong. This has answered all those people who make remarks."

"Liverpool have done something for all of us and we should thank them. It was the most amazing final ever. At 3-0 down Liverpool looked completely dead. But they were able to show the fighting spirit which is so typical of an English team."

Henry also had words of praise for the club's brilliant supporters, adding: "Liverpool's fans are just amazing. The best feeling I have at away games is Anfield. It is just incredible. I love it.

"You get goosebumps when you see their supporters sing You'll Never Walk Alone."

Henry, you're the best striker ever. And I mean it.

Ashley Cole, try and learn something from this man. It will make you a better person.....I hope you lose all of last season's wages as a fine for meeting the scum from Chelski behind your club's back, you mercenary, you !!

Disaster !!

On my way home yesterday, I had to use the Docklands Light Railway, as the Central Line was all crazy....

As I passed the cinema I regulary visit at West India Quay, I noticed that the sign on top had changed. It was no longer 'UGC Cinemas' it was now 'Cineworld Cinemas' !!

Today, I picked up the Metro, and realised that there were no listings for either a UGC or Cineworld at West India Quay.

Is my movie watching in danger or what? I've got a UGC cinemas unlimited card, which I pay £14 a month for, and I get to watch as many movies as I want. I've got a month or so to go, but if the cinema has been sold, and my card is no longer valid there, then I'm cancelling as that means there's no UGC cinema in East London.

Sob, Sob.

I hate……….

Waking up at 4.30am for a pee, and then not being able to sleep again.

You see, when the sun comes out so early, I can't sleep. So I lie in bed, very tired, but unable to sleep. And it's beginning to affect my work as well. Today is not helped by the fact that I was on the Xbox till about 1.45am........

I need one of those sleep face mask things they give you on long haul flights.....you know, where you cover your eyes, and it's all 'dark'. Does anyone know where I can buy them?

PLEASE?

You might be rescuing my career.....

31.5.05

Quotes of the week

I'll be on a bender for a week
Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher will still be celebrating as you read this.


I slept with the cup in my hotel room. I did not want it out of my sight. When I woke up and someone took it away, I felt I had lost a part of me
Skipper Steven Gerrard on the significance of the Champions League
trophy.



The cup ended up with Stevie G in his room. His girlfriend wasn't here, so he had the cup in his bed instead
Confirmation from team-mate Vladimir Smicer.


Jamie Carragher looks like he's got cramp in both groins
Football commentator Andy Townsend declares Carragher a biological phenomenon.


The boss asked me if I wanted to take a penalty, I said I did and he put me on fifth. I thought "Thanks a lot, pal - my a*** was going, I was all over the place!
Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard, who was spared penalty duties thanks to Jerzy Dudek's save from Andriy Shevchenko.


There was a real suspense surrounding my penalty - it was like something out of a Hitchcock movie!
Xabi Alonso on the penalty he missed to bring Liverpool level, only to net the rebound.


Before the penalties, Carra came up to me like he was crazy - as always! He said: "Jerzy, Jerzy - remember Bruce (Grobbelaar). He did crazy things to put them off and you have to do the same"
Liverpool hero Jerzy Dudek reveals the 'wobbly legs' press conference before the penalties.







Liverpool fans with Dudek banner




Do the Dudek





He did a much better job than I did. He looked like a starfish with jelly legs to me but it worked
Liverpool's original "spaghetti legs" goalkeeper Bruce Grobbelaar pays tribute to Jerzy Dudek.


This one was enormous - it was the biggest in the world - as big as the room! Every time I went to relight it, it seemed to be the same size - it lasted all night!
Vladimir Smicer, who scored a goal and a penalty in Liverpool's defeat of AC Milan, recalls his giant celebratory cigar.




Football is like politics: you think you have won and then you haven't
Silvio Berlusconi, AC Milan owner and also Italy's prime minister.




It was gutting to watch what Liverpool did in the sense that Arsenal think we should be winning those sort of competitions
Arsenal's Ashley Cole shows he's not a bitter person.