To make it possible for everyone to attend this Sunday, our church is going to have a "No Excuse Sunday."
Cots and hammocks will be placed in the aisle for those who say: Sunday is my only day to sleep in.
Eye drops and extra coffee will be provided for those with tired eyes from watching TV or partying late Saturday night.
Day care will be provided as always for those who find it difficult to worship with their children running amok among the pews.
There will be a special section with padded recliner chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who feel ill.
We will have steel hard hats and fire retardant suits available for those who say: The roof would cave in if I ever came to church. Or
I would spontaneously combust if I ever set foot into a church.
One section will be decorated with trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
Scorecards and pens will be provided for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
Blankets will be furnished for those who say the church is too cold and portable fans for those who say it is too hot.
Our worship team will play a variety of musical accompaniments for those who feel that the hymns are too dull or that the contemporary service is too contemporary or not contemporary enough.
And finally, the entrance will be decorated for both Christmas and Easter for those who have never seen the church without them.
See you on Sunday, No Excuses!